Page 15 of A Game of Monsters

I spun around, fury and grief melding to one tumultuous emotion. “I gave Duwar the ability to leave his realm, using Duncan as a vessel. I brought a demon god here, threatening the lives of everyone I love. My actions, mydeceptions, have spat in the face of everyone who died in the journey to prevent this very thing from happening.”

Erix reached for me, clasping my hands in his and refusing to let go.

“Now listen to me carefully, Robin Icethorn.” The use of my full name shocked me to stone. “Once again you blame yourself, falling into the ease of self-pity as though it is your one and only option for comfort and support. Enough. You have said this is your burden to bear alone, but it is not.”

“How can you say that to me with such conviction, Erix?” I pulled free of his hold, and began to pace. Gathering all the nervous energy burning through me, I put it to use. “I’m a fool. A selfish, desperate child who acts before he thinks, and because of that half of my heart is lying in a bed, chained like a monster, dying, whilst the other half of my heart is trying to justify my mistakes. You only look at me like that because you’re too blinded by your care for me to see that I’m no less a monster than Duwar.”

“Lies,” Erix snapped. “All of it. Lies. You can continue to repeat those things to yourself, and you may believe it, but I do not. Iwillnot.”

I realised what I admitted before I took my shuddering breath at the end of my speech. There was no ignoring it. My heart, split in two, held in the hands of two men. Perhaps this was Altar’s way of punishing me for such transgressions. I could pretend and blame the dreams Duwar punished me with every night, but these crashing waves of feelings began long ago.

That was why I had to refuse Erix. Because if I gave in, I was only failing to Duwar’s tests and trickery. The demon brought us together for a reason, and I had to trust it was not a good one.

Erix tried again to reach for me, wings twitching with unspent energy. He caught his lip between his teeth, his silver eyes darkening to forged steel. “I refuse to let you deal with this alone anymore. Fuck your commands. Fuck whatyouwant. For once, I am going to do what I want to do, with no one to control me. I’d sooner be locked in the dungeons of this castle, if that means I’m still close enough for you to call on.”

It hurt like a dagger to my chest to realise my treatment of Erix was no different to how his birth-father had treated him.

“And what is it you want to do?” I stopped long enough to ask. “Risk yourself for me until fate finally catches up with you?”

“If that is what fate has in store, then so be it.” Erix’s jaw tensed, the muscles in his cheeks becoming pronounced. “I want to help you. Support you. Be withyou.”

Part of me wanted to fall into his arms and thank him. The other part – the louder, more dominating side of me – wanted to slam my palms into his hard chest and force him out of Imeria myself, for good.

Ice crackled in the air around me, mirroring my lack of control over my emotions. Since the key I harboured in my blood had been destroyed, my power was not what it once was. Before it was endless, now more contained, not weak in the sense of the word, just… limited.

“Why?” I spat.

Erix straightened, contemplating his reply in a moment of silence. As he opened his mouth, I was prepared to hang on his every word. But the shattering of glass in another room stopped him from replying.

I turned sharply, looking toward the direction of the noise. It had come from Duncan’s chamber, beyond the hanging tapestry.

Before I could even contemplate what I was doing, I ran. Without thought, Erix was on my heels. I ripped back the tapestry, tearing it from the wall so it slumped across the floor. With a shove, I threw open the door, wood cracking against the stone wall on the other side.

“Duncan,” I cried out, seeing his body slumped over the side of the bed as if he was reaching for something. He didn’t look at me, his focus entirely diverted. Heavy, tired eyes blinked, and sweat shone on his brow, hair tangled in knots where it hung limp over his face.

“He should be sleeping,” I gasped, knowing the administration of Gardineum had happened barely an hour ago. “Why isn’t he sleeping!”

It was impossible he was awake – unless…

“Altar, bless us.” Erix took a rasped inhale. It was most likely from the shock of seeing how I’d been keeping Duncan, or from the disgust that came from the smell of the room. Clearly, Duncan had soiled himself. It wasn’t uncommon, since I couldn’t risk removing the iron from his body and allowing him to relieve himself.

I’d need to clean him – bathe him. But for that, he had to be heavily under the influence of the Gardineum and clearly the dosage I was giving was nowhere near enough.

Perhaps it hadn’t been for a long time either, and that thought unnerved me more than anything.

I raced to Duncan’s side, almost stepping in shattered glass. The mirror, the one I used to check his reflection, was lying broken on the ground. I saw my reflection hundreds of times, wide, sad eyes looking up at me, whilst catching a glimpse of Duncan – and how terrible he looked. But it was him, his reflection instead of the demon beneath his skin.

“He shouldn’t be awake, Erix,” I said, clearing the floor of glass with my boot. “I’ve only just given him a dosage of Gardineum. Something is wrong – Duwar is persisting, growing stronger as Duncan becomes weaker.”

Erix was stunned to silence, barely moving. I didn’t have time to care as I hoisted Duncan’s body back over the edge of the bed, assisting with him lying down.

“Talk to me, Duncan,” I pleaded, feeling how warm his skin was. He was boiling to the touch, his skin clammy. “What’s happened? Do you need something?”

Duncan swept his tired eyes from me to Erix. He wasn’t shocked when he saw my ex-guard shadowing us from the doorway. In fact, his reaction was soft, brows lifting from their tense line. Relief, it painted his tortured face.

Duncan sighed, closing his eyes as the lines across his forehead smoothed. “Erix… came…Good.”

I was dumfounded, utterly shocked as I helped Duncan lie back down. His words settled over my consciousness like embers, hissing and spitting and yet not uncomfortable as I expected they would be.

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