Page 92 of Justice for Radar

“What?” she asked.

“You heard me,” I said and her expression which had been sort of incredulous just a moment before, softened.

“You’re in love with me?” she asked softly, as though she hadn’t heard me right and if I wasn’t, it certainly put me one step closer with the way she said it.

“Oh, I’m certainly getting there,” I said with a smile. “You’re adorable, you’re kind, so soft and sweet. You’re patient with me just as much as you profess that I am with you; and I know I haven’t done the most awesome job at communicating all of the time, or given you a whole lot of reason to trust me – but you seem to. I’m grateful that you’re here and that you’re hanging in there with me. I know it’s been hard.”

She laid back down, her expression puzzled and I shut up and let her work whatever it was in her head out for herself.

She finally pushed herself up into a sitting position and took her foot away from me, but I wasn’t done. I scooted a little closer, let her get adjusted, and pushy bastard that I was demanded the other foot. She gave it to me with a slight laugh and a shake of her head and said, “You make me lose myself, my train of thought.”

I was quiet a moment and finally said, “Seems to me you could stand to get out of your own head a little more. There’s a great wide world out here.”

She smiled a bit and nodded slowly.

“You gave me that world, you know,” she said softly.

I nodded slowly and looked up at her and dead ass serious said, “I’d give you more if I could. I’d give you everything.”

“I don’t want everything,” she whispered. “I just want you, andthis… I mean, whateverthisis, whatever we’re building here.”

I nodded and smiled and said, “That sounds so fucking good to me, you don’t even know.”

She sniffed, getting a little misty eyed.

“That’s all I’ve ever wanted, really,” she said. “To love and be loved and to have someone as committed to me as I am to them who wants tobuildsomething with me. A life, a home, and I know it sounds so anti-feminist or whatever,” she shook her head and looked away, swiping a finger under her lashes and I chuckled.

“Actually, if you stop to think about it – that’s as feminist and rad as hell as you can get.”

She looked at me and scrunched her cute little nose in confusion.

“I don’t understand,” she said.

“Feminism is basically the advocacy for a woman’s right to choose her own direction, to use her own voice. That’s what you’re doing. Choosing what you want for you, for yourself, your own path – and fuck what anyone else has to say about it, anyhow. Right?”

She fixed me with an even stare and nodded slowly.

“Right. I mean, I guess so…”

“You’re honestly the one with all the power in this dynamic, baby. Don’t get it twisted. I may boss you around but you’re ultimately the one with the choice to obey or refuse. The fact that you do obey is sweet as fuck and is so fucking hot to me, but yeah… just think about that.”

She did, I could see it all over her face, and it was a lot of food for thought. Enough that she would be chewing on it for a while, which I was good with. I wanted her to know she had her own agency and the choice was hers… that no one could ever take that away from her again.

There was a certain power exchange at play in think kind of dynamic and I wanted her to discover that I wasn’t here just to take hers and give nothing back.

Quite the opposite, in fact.

Quite the opposite.

I bent at the waist and kissed the top of her foot and then got up to go take a shower, leaving her to think and have a little space to herself, at least for a little while.

30

Justice…

“Can I drive?” I asked and I know it was shitty, and I felt a little guilty, but it was a test.

Radar stopped midway around the back of the car, and index finger through my key ring swung my keys out around and caught them in the palm of his hand.

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