Page 84 of Justice for Radar

There was a lot of discussion with the women who had been able to come about their lives and how they had come to the club and even though Faith, Serenity, and I were worlds apart in how our trauma had happened, we bonded over our mutual traumas, nonetheless. Weeping at times, laughing at others, and coping with some of the horrors through sarcasm and dark humor; mostly provided by Hope.

It was also Hope who was a steady and consistent reminder that we weren’t ruled by our pasts and that the world was my oyster and there was only one way to go after hitting rock bottom and that was up.

On the fourth day, I got the call from Rodney’s attorney to tell me he was dead.

I stood, all eyes on me as I stood frozen in the middle of the room, sinking to the floor to sit on my ass as my numb lips made words that I wasn’t entirely sure what I was saying or what I was agreeing to.

“I don’t understand,” I said. “What happened?”

“Colo rectal bleeding. I’ll spare you the details… just he didn’t change anything about his will. It’s all yours but you’ll have to come in and…”

“I’m in the middle of moving,” I said and there was silence on the other end of the phone. “Are you still there?” I asked.

“Yes, ma’am. I think that’s a good thing, you moving on and all...” His voice droned in my ear and finally he got to the point. A date, a time, a place to fill out paperwork and fill in all the blanks of the etc. that went along with your estranged ex-husband dying in prison and his last will and testament still involvingyou, with no caveats as to a divorce which he’d never foreseen happening.Because of course he didn’t…I thought.You were supposed to be the one to die.

I ended the call, looked up at Radar, and burst into tears and I didn’t even know why, really… I mean, I wasn’t sad that he was dead, was I?

I mean, I was relieved, right?

Right?

Shit.

I just wanted this rollercoaster tostop.

27

Radar…

I was cuddled up to Justice, holding her tight. She’d stopped weeping a while ago and it was just me, her, and Atlas in her room which had been spared from the chaos the rest of the house was in.

She was awake, I knew that much, but nothing really needed to be said right now.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

“It’s okay,” I told her and kissed the top of her head, holding her just a little bit tighter.

“We get it, babe. It’s a-okay,” Atlas offered. “You just feel all you need to feel.”

“I don’t know what I feel,” she said honestly. “Just, nothing and everything all at once.”

I nodded slowly and said, “To be expected.”

“Is it, though?” She groaned and covered her face with her hands scrubbing at it with a frustrated sigh.

“K, out!” Hope cried, barging into the room.

“We got this one,” Faith said, following her sister up.

“Off, you fuck!” Hope declared, shooing at us with her hands while Serenity was suppressing a fit of giggles behind her hands.

“The fuck is this shit?” Atlas asked.

“This is the girls putting themselves in charge,” Faith declared and it was a night and day difference from when we’d first brought her back to Ft. Royal.

“Am I speaking alien translated into Greek?” Hope demanded. “Go!”

I looked down at Justice who was looking up at me her mind boggled and I chuckled and dipped my head to peck a kiss on her lips.

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