Page 22 of Exit Strategy

“I have, but that doesn’t really justify my being here now,” I tried to explain. She gave a shrug.

“So many men have seen me naked, what’s one more? How about you give me some company and maybe some of that wine?” Her smile was sweet and almost impossible to refuse. How could Rex raise a hand toward her? That I could not understand.

Or forgive.

I cleared my throat, still uncomfortable.

“Sure,” I said. I fetched the wine and then poured some in the water glasses sitting next to the sink. When I brought the wine to her, she accepted it with a polite thank you, and then sank back down into the tub, to where only her head was sticking up out of the water. I was thankful for the bubbles. “I think this is the most I’ve seen of you since Barcelona, when there was the security breach in the private pool area.”

“I remember that,” she said. “It was always relieving when Arik was mad at someone else and not me.”

“I wish it hadn’t taken me so long to figure out what was going on,” I apologized.

“Don’t feel bad about it, Kurt. There are plenty of people who are fully aware and have known for years, and yet did nothing.”

“That’s awful,” I said. I covered my awkward silence with a long thoughtful drink of the wine.

“It was, but I’ve accepted it. It was in the past, and nothing can change that. I just hope I have a future. Not that I doubt your ability,” she said with an apologetic smile. “I just know how they are.”

“Who knows and would allow this to happen?” I asked, the point sticking in my brain.

“You said that I didn’t know you that well. How about you tell me about you, and then maybe I can tell you some of the stuff I haven’t told anyone?”

“Fair enough,” I agreed quickly.

“You said you know about pretending to be normal?”

“That, yes, that I know a lot about. Getting out of the military and reintegrating into civilian life involves a lot of pretending to be normal. I spent years of my life training, in a uniform, everything organized, every chain of command clear and obvious, and everyone had a rank. Salute higher ranks, lower ranks salute you. Everything is a horribly inefficient mess. There’s red tape everywhere, but compared to civilian life, it’s simple.”

I sighed and went on.

“Coming back means picking what you wear again, and having to realize that there are no ranks, no order, no organization, and it’s all incredibly boring.”

“How is it boring?” she asked curiously, cupping a heap of bubbles in her hand.

“No adrenaline rush from being shot at, never being shelled by an enemy. I haven’t been inside a military vehicle in years, and riding in civilian helicopters or private jets? It’s just not the same. I haven’t felt an explosion since I left Afghanistan.”

“How do you feel an explosion? Like, without getting hurt.”

“You have to be pretty far away from it. Really far away if they’re big. I’ve been about a mile away from a bombing sortie – big thing came over and rained fire on an enemy position. It was like thunder, a rock concert, and an earthquake all at once and it just went on and on. I could feel it in my bones and my teeth. Then it was over, and the air was full of dust and smoke.”

“Wow,” she said, then blew the bubbles across the water.

“It doesn’t bother you?” I asked. “Me, just sitting in here, while you’re in the tub. You know, naked?”

“I told you, a ton of men have seen me naked, what’s one more? Plus, you aren’t going to hurt me, are you?”

“I would die before letting someone hurt you ever again,” I said, feeling like some of those words shouldn’t have gotten out.

“You aren’t cruel,” she said, and she sounded so certain.

“How do you know?” I asked. “I’m a combat veteran, Royal Marines. I’ve killed a fairly large number of men.”

“You’re not pretty enough to be cruel. Pretty men are cruel.” Her cheeks flamed almost as bright a red as her hair and she put a hand over her mouth. She wouldn’t look at me, but I wasn’t offended. I knew what she meant.

“Like Arik?”

“Arik is very pretty,” she said. “That was why at first, I was able to put some of the bad things aside. He was very pretty, and rich and famous. What dumb girl doesn’t want to marry a wealthy celebrity?” I didn’t say anything and studied the grouting of the tile on the wall, the backsplash on the sink, the sink handles, anything to not look into the dissipating bubbles, to the clear water. “I was really dumb, then.”

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