Page 58 of Apex of the Curve

Chapter Fifteen

Aspen…

I woke, Fenris was still sleeping. I was languorous and knew I had work but it was Saturday and Amber’s full day. I wanted nothing more than to stay with him, so I allowed myself this one concession to my workaholic personality and sent Amber a text message. I asked if she felt confident holding down the fort on her own for today, and barely as soon as I sent it, my phone vibrated in my hand with the return message of yes, absolutely, it was about time I took a day off.

I smiled, ditched my phone on the bedside table, and cuddled up to Fenris, holding to him tightly. I fell back asleep, likely in desperate need of the rest, and when I woke, he was looking at me, his so-blue eyes roving my face and his lips curled into a surprising smile in the midst of his blond beard.

“You’re still here,” he said, and I smiled back.

“I am,” I agreed.

“What time is it?” he asked.

“Doesn’t matter,” I murmured. “I took the day off.”

“Three-day weekend?” he asked, and I nodded. He broke into a grin and turned on me, gathering me close and pressing his mouth to mine.

I laughed, delighted, against his mouth and he rolled me onto my back, settling between my thighs.

“Mm, maybe later?” I winced slightly.

“I hurt you?” he asked, pushing up off of me.

“Oh, no! Not at all, um, I just am feeling, well… less than fresh down there. I feel like I should take a shower or something before we go at it again.”

He looked bemused at me.

“The best sex is messy,” he said.

“Oh, I agree, but I really don’t like the idea of going again when I feel this sticky and gross. I mean…” I stopped as his expression grew more amused. “It doesn’t matter what I say, it’s all going to come out bad or wrong or whatever, isn’t it?” I asked.

He laughed a little and nodded, saying, “Uh, yeah, pretty much, but I get what you’re saying and it’s alright with me.”

“You promise?” I asked skeptically.

“I promise,” he said and leaned down for another kiss to prove his point.

“You want a bath or a shower?” he asked me, and I looked up at him and cocked my head slightly.

“Whichever you can share with me,” I answered.

“Shower it is. Don’t move. I’ll come back when it’s ready.”

“What?”

“Don’t question me, woman! Not when I’m trying to spoil you a little.”

I laughed and cuddled back into the warm bed listening to him grab towels out of the closet and get the shower started.

A nostalgia mixed with an unhealthy dose of sadness swept over and through me as I thought this was what it was supposed to be like in regard to my marriage. We were supposed to take care of each other, respect each other, and love one another. It was with a grim hindsight that I realized none of those things had been reciprocated by my ex. I had let him charm me, but the moment we had gotten married, that was it… he didn’t need to try anymore, and he didn’t.

It was never real. None of it had ever been real… I was simply his cover. I was simply a means to an end and that end was keeping him in the life he was accustomed to, getting him through college and well on his way and once that was accomplished? He quit and had just been going through the motions.

And to think, I had thought it’d been me – that I wasn’t good enough, that I didn’t anticipate his needs, or work hard enough to meet them, or that there was something wrong with me.

It wasn’t me, though. It was Charles… and it hurt on top of everything else but I was honestly just so emotionally exhausted, I couldn’t seem to muster up any anger. I just felt spent, drained; and I know how pathetic in some ways that made me but it was true.

Fenris was changing all of that, and I know that probably wasn’t exactly healthy either. My self-worth shouldn’t be dependent upon any man, but I wasn’t entirely sure it was like that with Fen. It was just nice to have someone interested in me, and if Fenris were this interested in me as I was right now, stripped absolutely bare, soul floating, tattered, wafting in the wind and barely clinging to what was left of me…

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