Page 83 of Between Brothers

Chapter 36

Hayley

“Stay with me.”

I felt weak for saying it, but I was scared. I was terrified of having a child alone. Scared of losing both Cell and Blue at once, but mostly I was scared of living the rest of my life with the deep regret of not having at least tried. Of having my child ask me to tell them about their father, of having to explain to them why he wasn’t there and a part of their lives.

There was far more at stake here than just me, or Blue… and I couldn’t deny that even though these last ten days had been soul rending, I was still deeply in love with the man standing in front of me.

None of it meant that I would be a doormat, however. All of it meant that I would likely be judged as being one by outside parties.

He strode toward me to grab me, to hold me and I wanted that so badly but I held up a hand, afraid if I let him touch me now my resolve would crumble completely.

“This does not, by any means, mean that we’re somehow fixed, or okay…” I said and he shook his head.

“I know that.”

His arms around me felt so good, and I couldn’t help my arms going around him, holding him back… Weakened, I sobbed and he held me so tight as if afraid if he let go he would lose me forever.

It was still on the fence as to if he would.

“I’m so sorry,” he said into my hair and while I believed him, I couldn’t forgive him. Not yet.

“I miss him so much,” I whined and I felt him tremble as he fought tears of his own, which it was just us here… just him and just me, and I wished that he wouldn’t just stand there stoic and pretend to be strong for me. I wished that he would just hurt like I hurt, I just wished that he would hurt with me so I didn’t have to do it all alone.

I couldn’t hold back anymore. I said so. I told him everything because like it or not, he was the only one who understood and the dam broke.

I sat at my worktable, Blue stood with me, and we both cried over the loss of our lover, our safety.

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