Page 66 of Brother to Brother

“Are you serious?” Mandy asked.

“It gets worse. So I’m screaming at these people,noI don’t consent, that I don’t want a cesarean and the doctor looks at me point blank and says, ‘I don’t care what you want, I can write whatever I want in your chart. If I decide it’s medically necessary, then it’s medically necessary, now we’re doing this so I can go home.’”

Shocked silence rang out from not only the women listening, but several of the men nearby, too.

“Oh please tell me that that shit didn’t fly,” Reaver said.

I nodded, “I was alone, I didn’t have anyone there to look out for me, so it did… but wait; it gets worse.”

“How could thispossiblyget worse?” Rush demanded, looking up from where he was playing with Noah.

“They wheel me into the OR crying and pretty much hysterical, right? They dope me up and they put up the drape and they start to cut, and I’m screaming at them that I canfeel it, but they ignored me. I could feel just about everything, I don’t know if the epidural didn’t take or whatever, or if they didn’t wait for it to take effect, I just don’t know, but I could feel them cut me open and I could feel them pull Noah out of my body and I could even feel every poke and pull of the needle and thread as they stitched me up.”

Stone cold silence, a bag of chips dropped and hit the floor and I turned to meet Archer’s equally horrified and downrightangrygaze. If he had been turning that look on me, I would have been terrified, but the fact that he looked that way on mybehalf, it warmed something inside of me and gave me back a piece of confidence I hadn’t known I was missing.

“It getsworse,” I uttered and Dray threw up his hands and said, “Oh come on! That’s seriously not enough?”

I shook my head, “So they pull Noah out and then, they wouldn’t even let meholdhim. They just whisked him away without a single word. I kept crying and demanding to see my baby, but no one that was left in the OR would speak. They wouldn’t even look at me. I passed out, and when I woke up, it was to find out it was six hours later and I’d basically missed every first milestone bonding moment with my son. I had no skin to skin contact, that I was conscious for, and I guess a nurse had helped him latch and at least get the colostrum he needed, so I even missed breast feeding him for the first time, too.”

“Oh my god,” Mandy said, tears in her eyes and pulled me into a fierce hug. I hugged her back and tried not to get teary eyed myself.

“No one, not a single fucking person stood up for you? I mean, where were yourparents?Yourmom?” Revelator asked.

“My parents were furious about me getting pregnant out of wedlock, let alone pregnant by a dirty criminal biker.” I held up my hands, before anyone could chastise me and said, “Their words, not mine.”

Archer made a disgusted noise and came to sit down on the floor at my feet, resting his back against my chair. He put my hand on his shoulder, but not before kissing my fingertips. It was a gesture that both comforted me, and lent me strength. I saw it for precisely what it was, a silent promise that nothing like that would ever happen to me again. That he wouldn’t let it.

“You straight got robbed,” Red-Thirteen said and pulled Dani close into his side.

“Man, I wish I knew who was who, that story totally makes a trip to Arizona worth my while. Put some fear into those heartless bastards,” Reaver said.

“You’re not leaving me again,” Hayden said and Reaver gave her a sad sort of smile.

“I promised, and I keep my promises, but if ever there were a band of happy bastards…” he said, letting his words trail off.

“I don’t disagree,” Hayden murmured, “You’re still not leaving me.” Reaver smiled and leaned down from where he sat on the back of her chair and kissed his wife.

“I’m not going anywhere, Doll,” he said with a sort of solemn reverence and my heart ached a little for them, and their story. Hayden was still having such a hard time with what had happened, but she and Reaver were totally committed and were making it work. Sort of like Archer and me, but with far more drama involved.

The conversation turned to other things after a long, quiet, reflective and introspective lull. Archer threaded his fingers through mine where my hand rested over the warm leather of his jacket and cut and I sighed with some contentment.

I hadn’t told my story fully before, and I couldn’t say why now, of all the times, it had felt right to do so, but it had and I felt almost cleansed for it. I had had one or two lessons with my camera since the return from my honeymoon at a local photography studio. Just some of the basics, a free class given by a photographer by the name of Antonio Franco.

I couldn’t wait to get into the classes that had been paid for at the art school, but they didn’t start until fall. This was still summer break, it being only August. Still, I had my camera with me, Nox having gone out to my car to get it for me when I’d forgotten it in all of the excitement.

I took pictures in the waiting room. Candid shots for Ghost of his brothers and of the ol’ ladies for Shelly. At one point, Aaron came out into the waiting room as pale as a ghost.

“How’s it going?” everyone asked looking up expectantly.

“Oh, man. I don’t know how you ladies do it! She is inso much pain.”

“They give her an epidural?” Mandy asked.

“They’re doing it now, which is why I’m out here, I can’t stand needles.”

Rev laughed, “You can’t stand needles when your ol’ man is a tattoo artist? You picked great there, fruitcake!”

Aaron laughed nervously, “Tattoo needles are fine, big fucking needles as long as my finger going into sensitive areas that could paralyze you for life? Not so much.”

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