Page 53 of Brother to Brother

“That’s just it, your ideals are sometimes superhuman. People have faults, and sometimes things happen outside of their control… failure is a part of the human condition but with you? It doesn’t seem to be an option. You can’t hold other people to the impossibly high standards you hold yourself to… it’s simply not fair and it’s theonething that terrifies me when it comes to you raising Noah.” I blinked, surprised at her forthrightness, and here and now of all places. When I didn’t say anything, she continued.

“What happens when he doesn’t live up to those lofty expectations? Are you going to be so disappointed, will it make you so angry, that you’ll write him off? Will you continue the cycle of emotional violence against our son by withholding your love? That scares me so much, more than anything… You have proven yourself to be a good man, Archer, but I can’t and won’t let you treat our children that way. I grew up in a house of mental, emotional, and physical abuse. Everything I know about how you, Grinder, and the twins were raised tells me you come from much the same with maybe more emphasis on the physical abuse… I want better for our kids.”

“I do too,” I said quickly.

“You know my mom was an alcoholic right?” she asked.

“Yeah,” I murmured, wondering where she was going with this.

“She met Phil when she started going to AA meetings in his church when I was seven, it was either the meetings or they were going to put me in the system.”

“I didn’t know that,” I said.

“Well it’s true, but the point I’m trying to make, is if it’s one thing I remember from that time it was that in AA, the first step in dealing with the problem is admitting you have one. If you can recognize it’s a thing, you can deal with it.”

“Is that why you’re bringing this up now?” I asked.

“Partially… partially because I wanted to talk to you about it away from Noah, and before we got pregnant with another.”

“If you’re so concerned about this, why did you marry me yesterday? Why not bring this up before getting hitched?”

“Because I made a commitment to you, too. I promised to love, honor, and cherish you in sickness and in health, and I think that’s what this is. Not just for you, but for me too. We’re sick. We were made sick by our parents and how we were raised, and you and me? We’re the only cure for it. Each other, you know? Two people who have lived it, and recognize it for what it is. There to hold each other accountable and to be able to stand up to the other one and say ‘hey, you’re slipping, you can’t do that,’ you know?”

I felt myself smile slightly, “You’re brave enough to stand up to me?”

“Archer, these are mychildrenwe’re talking about,” I could hear her getting emotional and so I squeezed her gently. “If it came down to shooting you in the face to protect them from harm, it’d hurt, but I’d pull that trigger. You need to know that. I committed to you as much as you did to me yesterday, and I’m telling you, I never would have done it if I didn’t believe for one minute you couldn’t handle it. That you couldn’t maintain your control and not repeat the same horror that we went through growing up.”

“What are you saying?” I asked her softly.

“I’m sayingI do, with every fiber of my being. I’m saying I believe in you, but that doesn’t mean that this conversation didn’t need to happen.”

Well fuck me, swingin’.I thought to myself.Color me impressed.I’d set out a couple of weeks ago to work hard at being a good man for her and Noah, to make her fall in love with me… and damn if she didn’t go and just do it to me first.

We sat in silence for a really long time at the end of that dock, staring out over the water and soaking up some sunshine when the clouds let it through. I held her protectively in the curve of my body and thought real long and real hard about what she’d just said and decided, that she was right. That it was high time I got to work on my temper, and that I was out of excuses now that I was a father.

“You’re a smart and pretty fantastic woman, Mrs. Turner,” I finally said.

“I’ll remember you said that,” she said, “I might even hold it against you the first time we have a fight.” I laughed at that and she leaned back, tipping her head back against my shoulder her body language eased considerably.

“Thank you for believing in me,” I said and she smiled at me, the way she used to smile at my brother. I think my heart stuttered to a stop for a second in my chest.

“Thank you for really listening to me,” she said.

“Eh, I might not always, although you’re making a convincing argument right now for why I should.”

“We’re married, Archer. I’d be delusional to think we will never disagree, or that we will never fight.”

“At least there’s one thing I don’t think we’re ever gonna disagree on,” I said.

“What’s that?” she asked.

“That our children will always come first, come hell or high water.”

“No, on that I don’t think we will ever disagree,” she murmured.

As ass backwards as this whole relationship thing had gone together for us, I think we finally clicked right there on the dock. Common ground was a pretty good starting point as far as starting points went.

“Come on,” I said and scooted back so I could get up, “I got something for you back at the cabin.”

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