Page 42 of Brother to Brother

“Of… of you,” she said finally and my suspicions were dead on confirmed. Well, shit.Now how did I go about fixing that?

“Okay,” I said judiciously. “Why? What am I doing to scare you? Give me some specifics.”

She smoothed her lips together and I realized I was looking forward to seeing if they were as soft as they looked. She swallowed hard, and voice trembling, said, “I don’t know if it’s anything specific…” I snorted and she looked like a deer caught in the fuckin’ headlights.

“Don’t bullshit me, Mel. I promise not to get pissed off, but you gotta tell me, else I can’t work on it, or fix it now can I?”

“No, I suppose not,” she said softly and I had to wait her out. I could see her trying to gather up her thoughts. The slight line that developed between her eyes as she thought furiously how best to say it, was cute on her.

Still, I didn’t have endless patience so I finally sighed and said, “Just gimme the short version, and spill it. I gotta try and get some sleep tonight.”

“I don’t know how I’m supposed to… I don’t know if I can…”

“Fuck me?” I asked, the heat lending a sweet blush of color across her cheeks cluing me in.

“I’ve never done sex without love… You’re attractive, Archer, don’t get me wrong but I’m a woman and feelings… we have to have feelings as a part of it, it’s just how it works, I guess…” she covered her face with her hands, “Oh, god!” She groaned, “I’m saying this all wrong and I don’t want to hurt your feelings but it’s important and I’m so sorry, but I’m really struggling and the girls back in Arizona always said you were rough and that scares me too, and I just am trying to get my head around it and I’m struggling… I’m sorry.” I let her babble and repeat herself and waited her out until she was finished and somewhat beyond that.

I could feel the slight smirk on my lips, a defense mechanism if I were being totally honest, because what she saiddidsting, but I had to be honest with myself, it wasn’t totally unexpected. Finally, she gave me what I wanted, lowering her hands and looking at me.

“First of all, those girls back in AZ? I don’t and didn’t give a fuck about them, so why would I give a shit? They weren’t mine, and I was just in it to get my rocks off, meet a physical need, you get me?”

Again with that adorable little thoughtful frown. Mel nodded slowly, and I was pretty sure she didn’t get what I was saying but I wasn’t too terribly worried about it, because soon enough she would. I was a ‘doer’ by nature. I didn’t really dig sitting around talking about shit, the only reason I was indulging her in it now, was because I thought she was gonna worry herself sick and back out of getting married unless I did something about it.

“Second of all, I hear what you’re saying and the only solution I can see is I need to make you fall in love with me. That’s gonna take some time unfortunately, and I’m probably not going to be able to pull it off by our wedding night, but it’s not like I ain’t gonna have the rest of our lives so I ain’t really worried about it too much.” I gave a one shouldered shrug and watched her mouth drop open, incredulous.

She scoffed, “Archer, you can’t justmakesomeone fall in love with you!”

I smiled and I knew it wasn’t exactly friendly, but I had no problem accepting this particular challenge she’d set in front of me. “Oh yeah?” I said, and I nodded thoughtfully, “You just watch me.”

Her mouth dropped open again with a little ‘ah!’ of disbelief and I dropped my hands to my hips asking her, “Is there anything else I should work on while I’m at it?”

“I… I don’t know…” she uttered and I could see I’d caught her completely flatfooted.

I nodded and told her, “You tell me if you think of anything, you hear?”

She nodded dumbly and I could tell her mind was more on what I’d just said. I silently gave myself a strong reminder to thank Rush for cluing me in that there could be trouble down the line. He’d been asking a little too much about Mel the last day or two at the shop and I’d finally told him to spit it the fuck out, which is when he’d come clean about their discussion in his woodshop the day I’d broke the news about us getting hitched to the rest of the club.

I turned to leave the room, her voice stopping me, “Why are you asking me these things?”

I looked back over my shoulder and said, “Because despite what you got in that head of yours, you’re a person, Mel, and the people in my life, especially the ones sharing my roof, matter a great deal. I don’t want to hear about you sayin’ you don’t count again, okay?”

Her eyes turned glassy and I didn’t want to see her fuckin’ cry or get all emotional, so I slipped back out of the room and shut the door tight on her, to give her some privacy and let her get her shit together. I stopped and looked down at Noah who was out cold in his crib, bending to tug his blanket up over him, tucking him in real gentle like. Only about a week and a half or so and he’d bemyson. Well, not really, it would take several more steps and a metric fuckton of paperwork to call him my son legally, but for all intents and purposes he would be mine… I had a few mixed feelings about that.

I sighed, and bowed my head. “Not trying to erase you, Grind. Just trying to make sure your legacy stays whole,” I murmured, then had to laugh at myself a little. Grind was dead and didn’t give one shit over the other about what happened on this rock anymore. Really it was just me trying to assuage my guilty feelings about lettin’ Grind go. If I hadn’t been a stubborn ass about relocating, if I’d just done it sooner… maybe Grind would still be here.

I sighed out; if it was one thing about the past it was that it was set in stone. The future though? It’d yet to be carved, and I meant for Mel and Noah’s future to be a lot brighter than a single working mom living off government assistance barely able to make ends meet. I wanted to make sure Noah never had a night going hungry for lack of food, and to make sure he had clothes with no holes in them. I wanted to make sure Mel was warm at night, though it would take a lot of work for a woman as clearly damaged as she was to feel what pitiful excuse for love I had to give her.

Still, I would do my damnedest to provide, because that’s what a man did. Not just food, clothes and a roof over their heads either; but love and support and sure, in guidance where it was needed.

Truthfully, I’d about given up on ever having a family of my own but it could never be said that I wouldn’t seize the opportunity for anything when life presented it. This was no exception, either.

The door to the bedroom opened and I looked over, Mel stilled when she saw me standing over Noah and his crib, but then the tension in her posture eased and she sort of softened.

“Think of something else?” I asked softly.

She shook her head and licked her lips, “I was looking at some pictures I took, and I thought I would share them; see if maybe you’d like to see them.”

I straightened and looked her over, at the sincerity on her face and realized that she didn’t really know how to relate, or whatever, which was a failing we both apparently shared. I nodded carefully and said, “Sure, show me what you got.”

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