Page 125 of Problematic Summer Romance

“I’m sorry about coming to your wedding in my overalls with little strawberries embroidered on them. If Eli had told me where we were going, I’d have worn my tripod shirt.”

She pulls back, but holds on to my hand. A smile tugs at her lips. “The second best thing about meeting Eli, is that it led to you becoming my family.”

“Second after Tiny, or second after Eli?”

She considers it. “May I amend my previous statement?”

“Third, huh?”

She nods somberly, kisses me on the forehead, and I think my heart explodes.

Next to us, Conor and Eli just exchange one of those one-armed hugs, even as Tiny tries to get right between them. “Congrats on not letting a natural disaster fuck with your wedding, man.” Then we’re all heading back down, the trip much less quiet this time around. Salvatore leaves the gates of the park open before leaving, explaining something about howtime is not so important in Italy.When the others head for the car, I stay behind.

“Hey, is there a party planned for when we get back to the villa?” I ask. Eli and Rue turn to each other. And never look away. “Gross, guys,” I laugh. “Get a room, please.”

“That’s precisely what we’re about to do.”

“Okay, well, since you’re going to be breaking headboards or something, I’ll stay here. Explore the follies.”

Eli frowns. “Would it be dangerous? There aren’t many people out yet—”

“I’ll stay, too,” Conor reassures him.

“Hark? You sure?”

“Yeah. We can walk back to the villa.”

I wave goodbye to my brother and Rue. Seeing them happy just cycled me through a lot of emotions, and my anger at Conor is…not forgotten, but set aside. Blunted to a dull pain that comes from defeat and resignation. From finally acknowledging that I’m going to move forward without him.

Maybe he was the love of my life. No, I amcertainthat he was. But happy endings are not the rule. Sometimes you give it your all, and things still don’t turn out well. Sometimes A for effort looks just like an F in a funhouse mirror.

It’s okay. I’ve survived a lot of bad shit, and I know the trick to pull through.

Breathe. Just breathe. And then breathe again.

“I’m gonna check out the follies,” I tell him once the Fiat has driven past us. “I know you were just trying not to worry Eli. You don’t need to stay.”

I wait for his face to flood with the relief that, for the first time in years, I’mnotchasing him. I’m not flirting, or charming him, or attempting to lure him to my general proximity. But he’s still wearing those damn sunglasses. In the brightening light, I’m actually a bit envious.

“I have my phone with me, in case anything happens,” I add.

Conor says nothing. Moves closer, though, catching me off guard. I take an instinctive step back, even as my chin tilts up to him.

“Seriously,” I say. “It’s fine.”

Silence, and I frown, confused. I spy intent in the set of his jaw, serious determination in the angle of his cheekbone. But he’slooming, little room between us, and if only I could see his eyes, then maybe I would understand.

This feels like another game, and I’m all played out. “I’m sorry, Conor. I’m really tired, and frankly, I’d love to be alone for—”

He kisses me.

He leans forward. Takes my head in his warm hands. Then his lips are pressing against mine, and hekissesme.

It’s hard. And also sweet. Openmouthed and lingering and a little messy. And if someone had asked me to take a guess, to say what a kiss from Conor Harkness would be like, I would have described this one: endless, careful, deep. He coaxes my mouth into opening wider, then licks the inside of it like this is all he wants from me. I strain upward, all tendons and shaky muscles. Feel his body brush against mine, rock-hard, muscles and heat and safety, the scent of his skin mixing with the flowers in the air. Out of all the lucid dreams my brain could have conjured, this one is the cruelest. But I don’t wake up. He kisses me forever, and even when he stops, his hands stay around my face. In my hair.

I blink. The world is the same as it was before, but the corners are not quite as sharp. A kinder, gentler place, where breathing is easier.

I might be going mad.

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