Page 96 of Trip Me Up

“Nothing but my dissertation. I’m finishing up my Ph.D. in computer science.”

“I’m trying to convince her to change her mind.” Niall’s palm on my back was just as comforting as it’d been on that first stop in Chicago, when I’d freaked out about the photos and reading in public. He’d been so kind and supportive throughout the tour. He deserved more than my betrayal. And that was why I had to break my own heart and leave him.

I bit my lip to keep my chin steady. When I’d forced my expression into a polite mask almost like Mother’s, I turned to him. “You’ve helped me rediscover my love of reading. I’d rather read others’ work than produce my own. I could never hope to create anything as beautiful as your work, Niall.”

Mother’s training kept me upright as the dinner began. The writers talked about their favorite science fiction and fantasy literature, and I fed the rubbery chicken to Bilbo Baggins under the table.

Every time I looked over, The Wall watched me. Was it only my bag he suspected, or did he somehow know I was a fraud? Was he waiting for the order to toss me out? A hacker among these artists, a coder among wordsmiths?

I pulled out my phone to check the time. One hour before I could go back to San Francisco. Where I belonged. Where I didn’t have to pretend. I was smart. I’d figure out a way to shut down CASE. Quietly. Then I could escape to a life of solitary research. In Idaho.

Niall clasped my hand and held it steady. He murmured, so softly only I could hear, “Are you all right? You’re so pale.”

My promise was the only thing that kept me in that chair. “I’ll be better when it’s all over.”

He chuckled and eased back in his chair. “I’m nervous, too. I don’t want to make a weird face when they announce you as the winner. I don’t think Qiana would like that kind of publicity.”

“You mean a meme?”

“A what?”

“It’s a funny picture with a caption. They’re all over the internet. Like evil Kermit.”

“Like Grumpy Cat?”

“Sort of. Anyway, you’re going to win. How could anyone read your book and not think it’s the best?”

He grinned at me, and it was like sunshine there in the ballroom. He leaned in and kissed my cheek. “You can stroke my ego anytime.”

That wasn’t all I wanted to stroke. His hand rested on my knee under the table. But touching him would only make it harder to leave. I folded my hands in my lap.

The lights dimmed, and a woman’s voice rang out over the sound system. “And now it’s time to announce tonight’s winners. We’ll start with the Best First Book category.”

Tamarah leaned over. “Sam, you’re nominated for this, yes? Good luck.”

Time to get out of there. I bent down and lifted the strap of my bag.

“What are you doing, Sam?” Niall cocked his head. “This is your category.”

“Looks like the chicken didn’t agree with Bilbo Baggins. I’m going to run him outside.”

“You can’t go now. Leave him with me. I’ll take care of him as soon as they announce the winner.”

“It might be”—I grimaced—“messy. I’ll go.” I stood and tiptoed on aching feet toward the exit.No worries, Mr. Wall. I’ll see myself out.Why had they seated us at the front?

I was halfway to the exit when the chatter in the ballroom dipped to an anticipatory hush. “The Best First Book award goes to”—the presenter broke the seal on the paper—“Magician in the Machineby Sam Case.”

My muscles turned to putty.No no no no no.

Niall’s face ducked into my line of sight. “Congratulations! I knew you’d win.” He wrapped me up in his arms, and I never wanted to leave that pine-scented cocoon. “Let’s get you onstage. Bilbo can wait five minutes.”

The applause squeezed my eardrums and tunneled my vision. I leaned into him, shaking. How long until Heidi heard? Dr. Martell? How long did I have until they revealed the truth?

“I’ve got you.” Niall tucked my hand inside the crook of his elbow and threaded through the other tables, all the way to the stairs leading up to the stage. I couldn’t feel my fingers on the strap of my bag.

“You can do this,” Niall said. “Same as the book talks we did.”

I couldn’t climb the stairs, much less speak in front of three hundred people.

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