Page 57 of Control's Undoing

That was okay; Eric fucking hated himself right now.

Far below, water crashed against the cliffs.A fine mist of ocean spray blew across him, adding saltwater droplets to the sweat already coating his skin.

Eric took a step, and both guards lunged for him, Regina managing to grab his arm.

“I wasn’t going to jump,” he said, half amused.

Regina immediately let go of him as Eric sat, lower legs and feet dangling over the edge of the cliff.

“That ground might crumble,” Regina said.“Leaving you to fall to a watery grave.”

Eric leaned forward, looking down.Hopefully that hid his relieved expression that Regina was talking to him.“There’s a bit of a beach.I’d probably land there.”

“Very well, if the ground crumbles you can lay in a broken heap on the sand until the tide hauls you out to sea and you drown.”

Eric and Tobias both looked over at Regina.

“Jesus, Regina,” Tobias said.

Regina stared them down, her disgust with Eric plain in her expression.Eric wanted to say something, maybe justify himself, but instead looked back at the horizon, his jaw clenched.

He’d made the right decision that day in the Long Room.

But no matter how much he believed that, no matter how many times he reassured himself that he’d done the only thing he could do, regret and pain burned the place behind his ribs where his heart had once been.

Late at night, he lay awake in bed, staring up at the ceiling as he remembered the look on Nikolett’s face when she realized what he was about to do.

“Don’t.”

“Don’t do this.”

“No, Eric.”

The quiet way she said it hurt worse than the fight that followed after the meeting, when she’d dragged him into a back room.

“You fucking coward,” Nikolett snarled, as she slammed the door closed.Eric turned, ready to fight with her, but the tears in her eyes stopped him.Fuck.He needed her angry, not hurt.

“Nikki—” He reached for her, but she slapped him, hard.

“You miserable fucking coward,” she snarled, even as tears slid down her cheeks.“I knew you were going to do this.”

She was right, and this wasn’t the first time she’d called him on his unspoken plan to place her in a trinity marriage.To make sure he couldn’t touch her by marrying her to someone else.

Eric slowly turned to face her once more, his cheek burning.He wished she’d hit him harder.Maybe hard enough to knock him unconscious and put him out of his misery.

“Admirals have to be married,” he ground out.

“Don’t try to justify this with rules.You don’t have the balls to marry me, so you’re?—”

Something in him snapped.Eric grabbed Nikolett, forcing her back against the wall, pinning her shoulders.He loomed over her, and some dark part of him wanted to see a hint of fear in her.All he saw was pain, held back by the thinnest veneer of rage.

“I’m poison,” he snarled, even as he lowered his face to hers.“You can’t fucking see it, but I can.”

Unexpectedly, she softened.“I’ve survived worse than a little poison.”

Eric rested his forehead against hers.“But what if you don’t?What if someone tries to kill you, and I can’t save you.”The words tore out of him, ripping something deep in his chest.

“Oh, Eric,” she whispered softly.

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