Page 92 of Control's Undoing

Once they found the last piece…

Colum ran his hand through his hair, unwilling to think about them returning home.

“Aye.Dodge lives in Texas,” Colum said softly, a long, slow sigh escaping.“We’ll book flights tomorrow?—”

“No.Now that we have a name, we give our tech team time to see if they can connect Dodge to the original dark web inquiry.”

“Then are we… No, we have to keep…” Colum panicked.

“This is all based on Xavier being a cat, right?”Eric cut in.

Colum smiled and nodded, but it was strained, anxiety that Eric was about to declare this mission over, choking him.

“Then stay there, keep looking for some actual evidence.If we’re going to rob this Dodge idiot, I want to do it based on more than a hunch about where the manuscript might be.”

Colum slumped in relief, eyes closed.

Eric’s brows furrowed.“I’ll ask again, Colum.Are you okay?You seem different.”

Colum was tempted to ask how, but that would be another way to stall.

Taking a deep breath, he blurted out what he wanted to say, the words running together without a break between.“Idon’twantalovelessmarriage.”

His pronouncement was met with silence as Eric held his gaze.A brutal silence that lingered too long.Colum wasn’t the type of person who felt as if he had to fill a quiet moment.Hell, most of the time, he preferred silence to talking, but this time…he couldn’t hold his piece.

“I don’t want to be Nikolett’s punishment,” he hastily added.

That assertion provoked a response from Eric, who barked, “I’m not punishing Nik.And you’re not anyone’s punishment, goddammit.”

Colum had been thinking about this conversation nonstop for the last few days, trying to figure out what he wanted to say.Nothing had come to him, which was no surprise.Talking about feelings and deep shite like that was where Josephine shined.Him and Eric?Not so much.

However, he couldn’t hold his tongue.As he grew closer to Annie and Xavier, the desire for something he never thought he’d have—or even wanted—had begun to grow as well.

Marriage had always been out of the picture for him because Colum had never been willing to open himself up to another person on that level.Perhaps it was more accurate to say he hadn’t been able.

But all of that had changed.Annie and Xavier hadn’t been turned off by his oddness; rather, they’d embraced him for who he was.More than that, they had helped him uncover parts of himself he didn’t even know were there.The parts that liked talking to someone for hours, that fucking loved sex, and that genuinely enjoyed the company of another person.They’d pulled him out of the box he’d placed himself in when he was just a young boy.He’d spent his entire life feeling like the awkward square peg in the round hole, but with them, he felt normal, accepted.Happy.

“Colum,” Eric said, and he realized he’d fallen into bad habits, getting lost in his own thoughts.

“I never thought I wanted to get married,” he started.“I’ve always been more comfortable on my own.The idea of attempting to make a life with two other people felt like an insurmountable challenge.I always figured I’d be more successful attempting to scale Mt.Everest in a pair of runners.”

Eric drew his finger over his lower lip, considering that.“You took the position as archivist to avoid the trinity marriage.You were so insistent you would never want to marry.”

“Aye, I was.I was wrong,” Colum admitted.

Eric rubbed his forehead.“The stipulations on the trinity archive mean you have to marry an admiral.”

“I know.And I will.But not her.Not Nikolett.I can’t.You love her,” Colum said.“I understand why you assigned that trinity.I really do.I agreed to the marriage to get the joint archive, and Nikolett is the only unmarried admiral.But let’s be honest here, Eric.You thought by marrying Nikolett to me, you had tied things up in a neat bow.I would retain my solitary lifestyle.And while you wouldn’t be able to have her, no one else would either.The thing is…that’s not fair.To me or herorSarah, who you’ve stuck in the middle of God knows what.”

Eric sighed.“Colum, Nikolett is the?—”

“I know, I know.She’s the only unmarried admiral.I didn’t think of it at the time, but you did.I know you did, and so did Nikolett, based on her reaction.You could have just as easily changed the stipulation to make it someone in a vice admiral or security minister position.If Nikolett hadn’t been available, that’s exactly what you would have done.And Hande would have agreed.”

Eric stared at Colum through the video chat, looking stunned.Colum rarely called Eric on his bullshit—again, Josephine was the one who’d always done that—but being with Xavier and Annie made him bold.

Then Eric’s expression cracked, and Colum’s heart thudded hard.

“You love her,” he said softly.

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