Page 17 of Bound By Ruin

Does he feel the same as I do? Left out of the festivities happening just below his feet? Or does he not crave the same attachments that I do?

I lie down on my back and throw my arm across my eyes, listening to the muted chatter between Celia and my brothers, wondering what’s on Ruin’s troubled mind, and wishing that things were different.

“What did Thanatos want?” Rebel asks, his voice louder now that he’s standing closer to the microphone.

“He gave her knives,” Rage rumbles.

“Kinky.”

“It’s not like that,” Celia says quickly. I open my eyes and watch as she slips on one of Rage’s collared shirts and buttons the front. She fiddles with them, avoiding my brothers’ gazes. I sit up and narrow my eyes at the image, humming a chord in the back of my throat.

Itislike that, though, if the cum drying on my thigh means anything.

She’s lying to them.

“He says I need more training.”

“You’ll have to learn by experience.” Rage leans against the doorjamb and crosses his arms over his bare chest. Both he and Rebel are completely naked still, contrasting Celia as she pulls a pair of Rage’s boxers up her thighs. “Where are you going,krosotka?”

“To see Ruin,” she answers simply, slipping past him to enter the living room. “I can’t believe you let him go upstairs.”

“It’s his safe space. He’ll be fine for one night.” Rebel follows her to the staircase that leads up to the third floor. The only rooms up there are Ruin’s bedroom and bathroom, taking up what was meant to be a bonus room when the apartment was first built. No one goes up there except for Ruin.

I glance at our youngest brother on the other monitor, but he still hasn’t moved. He’s zoned out, big time, but it’s probably for the best. Once the meds wear off, he’ll be relying on Percocet and pot to fight off his demons.

I don’t think Celia should be there when they arrive.

Clearly, Rage and Rebel are on the same page. They intercept her from going upstairs, with Rage being the one to lift her over his shoulder and carry her back to his bedroom. His voice fades as he moves from one room to the next. “Give him some time to process. We’ll check on him in a few hours.” He drops Celia onto the mattress and crawls onto the bed beside her. Rebel quickly takes the other side, the two of them locking her between their bodies, just like they did in the shower.

“You promise?” she asks, focusing on Rage.

He kisses her wrist. “I promise.”

I watch as they all settle beneath the sheets, but as the minutes pass, I catch all three of them tossing and turning. Rebel’s the only one lying still, but I have a feeling that’s on account of his own injuries, not because he’s asleep. His foot bounces as he taps his feet, finally settling once Celia rolls over and wraps her arms around his waist. Then Rage does the same, spooning her from behind and burying his face in her hair.

Ruin keeps staring at the wall, then at the ceiling once he eventually lies down. But I have a feeling he doesn’t sleep—not even for a second.

After cleaning up my mess and wiping more rubbing alcohol over everything it touched, I slip inside the apartment, make a pit stop to wash my hands in the half bath, and walk over to the Ruin’s staircase. Climbing to the top, I press my back to the door and slide down until I’m sitting on the top step. It’s uncomfortable, but I’m sure he’s faring much worse. “I’m here, Ruin.” I rap my knuckles against the bottom of the door. “Get some sleep.”

He doesn’t respond. I don’t even know if he heard me, and even if he did, I doubt it will make a difference. He slept with Celia in The Box while the rest of us kept watch. There, with all four of us rallying around him, he was safe to dream.

Buthere, locked upstairs in the dark, he’s alone again.

Just like he was when hellfire rained down over him.

“I’m right here,” I say again, listening for movement through the door. I know he’s a grown ass man and that he doesn’t need a babysitter, but I mentally prepare myself for a night on watch, anyway.

If anything, it helps keepmydemons at bay.

Because if there’s one way that I’ve failed my brothers, it’s that I let our father get to them. I let him hurt them again, after I’d vowed never to let it happen after the last time.

If anyone is undeserving of their love, ofCelia’s, it’s me.

The true fuck-up of the family.

Pretending otherwise will only hurt us all.

Chapter8

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