Page 47 of Rebound

“You should have told me, Amber,” I say quietly.

“Why? It’s not like you would have changed your plans and stayed with me instead of spending time with your dad and brothers.”

Now she’s being unfair. She can’t assume that when she didn’t give me the chance to prove otherwise. My knuckles turn white on the steering wheel. “Of course I would have!”

She snorts. “That’s a lie, and we both know it.”

“Don’t make me out to be some kind of monster. I never would have knowingly left you alone on Thanksgiving.”

She turns in her seat, and when I steal another glance at her, she’s glaring at me, her whiskey-colored eyes full of fire. “You really believe that, don’t you?”

I pull the car over to the side of the road so I can give her my full attention. “And you don’t? It’s no wonder we’re getting a divorce when you believe me to be that cruel.”

“Not cruel, darling, simply…” She sighs and shakes her head.

“Simply what?”

“Simply what you are. A devoted big brother who needs to be needed by your family. Remember the time I invited you to come to Charleston with me and you said you couldn’t leave them?”

I can’t believe she’s rewriting our history so egregiously. “One time, Amber. That was one time, and it was thirteen years ago.”

“That was one of a whole series of incidents. I stopped asking you to do anything or go anywhere with me because it hurt too much when you chose them over me. Every single time.”

Is that really how she’s felt our entire marriage? Like she’s second best?

“It really doesn’t matter now anyway. It’s ancient history. I actually had a lovely evening tonight, and I wouldn’t have chosen to spend it any other way. Will you please just take me home?”

I screw my eyes closed and take a deep breath. “I want to understand, Amber. Please talk to me.”

She shakes her head. “You’ll get upset and defensive, and then the evening will be ruined. So, no.” The words are brutal, but her tone is bland.

I put my hand on her arm and wait for her to look into my eyes and see how sincere I am. “I promise I’ll listen with an open mind.”

She licks her lips and then flashes me a well-you-asked-for-it-jackass look. “Your brothers always seem to need you, and I wonder sometimes if they really do or if they’re so used to you being there for them that they think they do.”

“It’s called being a good brother.” Immediately, I regret my words and my harsh tone. I just proved her point about getting upset and defensive. I lower my voice and keep it neutral. “Shouldn’t I be there for them if they need me? Even if they might not really? I don’t get how that’s a bad thing.”

“Of course you should be there for your brothers, Elijah, but not at the expense of…” Her throat works as she swallows, and tears fill her eyes. “There are four of them and only one of me.”

What the hell is that supposed to mean? “You truly think I prioritized them over you?”

She looks incredulous. “Youdon’t?”

A wave of guilt crashes over me at the naked, unvarnished pain in her eyes. “Okay, I did do that. Sometimes. But only when they really needed me. What was I supposed to do? I’m their big brother.”

“And you’re my husband. And it wasn’t sometimes, Elijah, it was every single time.”

“Like when?”

She rolls her eyes. “I could write you a list longer than the phone book, but off the top of my head, the benefit for Zoo Animals in the Arts a couple years ago—you blew me off at the last minute to go to dinner at Nathan’s. The dinner party I organized for the hospital board, which you didn’t attend because Mason needed you to go over some notes with him for a meeting. A meeting he was more than prepared for. Three months ago when Maddox asked you to take him to an NA meeting out of state when I had that follow-up with my doctor after an abnormal pap. Would you like me to continue?”

An argument is perched on the tip of my tongue, but I swallow it down. She assured me the abnormal pap smear was nothing, that she didn’t need me fussing around her. But of course it wasn’t. She must have been scared. Anxious as hell. I was terrified. Despite her assurances, I stared at my phone the entire time Maddox was in his meeting, waiting for her to tell me everything was okay.

But she wouldn’t have known that because I was too afraid of her cutting rejection to tell her how badly I wanted to be there for her. I genuinely believed she didn’t need or want me around for any of that stuff. But that’s no excuse. It was my job to know that she needed me. My job to make her my top priority. “Amber, I… I am so sorry. I didn’t realize… didn’t know… I should have known you needed me.”

She brushes a tear from her eye. “The truth is, I learned to stop needing you a long time ago—I realized I couldn’t rely on you. But I never stopped hoping that you would choose me anyway.”

Her words are sharper than a knife to my heart, and I can’t deny the truth of them. Any one of my brothers would have been happy to take Maddox to his NA meeting, but I had to step in and be big brother of the year. Meanwhile, I was in contention for shitty husband of the decade.

---