Page 53 of Made to Love Ya

“I saw you and Cee-Cee in the parking lot at The Culinary Canvas.”

Although he sat back, I could see the tension in his arms and shoulders. Tears fell from my eyes, and I continued with my explanation. “I saw you hugging each other and then she kissed you.”

“On the cheek,” he explained in resignation.

“Why were you with her?”

“Cee-Cee is my realtor, baby. She’s the one who has been helping me with my house hunt.”

“Why didn’t I know that?”

“I should have told you, but I didn’t think it was a big matter.”

“It’s a huge matter to me, Zae.”

My shoulders shook as I cried. I couldn’t stop the tears now that I had shared the source of my pain.

“I asked you to trust me,” he replied as he tried to pull me into him.

I resisted and turned sideways to look at him. Although I loved his comforting touch, I needed him to hear my heart right now. I didn’t want to get caught up in the feel-good moment. We needed to have a serious heart-to-heart, and Izael needed to understand what I was going through.

“You have to understand that Ricky did a number on me, Zae. It’s not easy for me to trust men after that. I mean, not only was he cheating with my roommate, who was also my friend, but both of them used to gaslight the fuck out of me and belittle me about my weight and then pretend they weren’t doing that shit. I want to open up and trust you, but it’s hard. Seeing you and her like that triggered me.”

“I hear you, Chè. I do. But you’re gonna have to learn to trust a nigga. I can’t always be compared to his ass and keep having to prove myself in this relationship. I haven’t done a damn thing to have to keep answering for. It sometimes feels like I’m answering for that nigga’s sins, and I ain’t gonna do that shit no more.”

“I get that. But you have no idea what it felt like sitting at that traffic light and seeing the two of you together like that. It was the Ricky and Ro shit show all over again. My heart ached because here I was thinking that I had a good man who loves me, protects me, and wants me for who I am, and then I see you with your ex-girlfriend. The two of you are hugging and she’s kissing you. I started to wonder if you were having doubts about me, or if you hadn’t gotten over her yet. It hurt me so deeply, Zae, and in that moment, I was thrown back in time.

“It broke me to see my man being affectionate with another woman like that, especially one he was in a committed relationship with. I trusted Ricky and he downplayed what was going on between him and Ro until I busted their asses. It scares me to open my heart so freely to anyone anymore, especially you. I cannot explain how deeply I love you, Zae, and how all I want is to be with you, to love you, and to build something with you. If you were to cheat on me or leave me, I would be devastated. I don’t think that would be something I could come back from. And that’s all I felt seeing the two of you together: fear, heartache, and devastation. It hurts.” I sobbed.

“Baby, I’m so sorry. I never want to cause you a minute of pain, Chè.”

This time when Izael reached for me, I willingly went into his arms. He lifted me onto his lap and wrapped his arms around me. He kissed the top of my head and rubbed soothing circles on my back.

“I want to trust you,” I cried.

“Then do that shit, baby. Shhh. Your heart is a beautiful, fragile crystal work of art to me. It’s tender, loving, and kind. I will do nothing to shatter that. Do you understand me?”

I bobbed my head.

“Look at me. Do you understand me?” he repeated. This time he turned my head so I could look into his eyes.

“Yes.”

“You are the best part of my day, Chè. I look forward to waking up with you in my arms, living life with you after work, and holding you close while we fall asleep together at night. I love making love to your body, hearing your thoughts, and listening to how your day went. I look for any opportunity to pick up any broken pieces in your life and help you put them back together again. What you saw was nothing more than Cee-Cee congratulating me on finding the place that I wanted for the price that I offered.

“Cee-Cee and I will never be a couple again. God forbid if you and I don’t work out, Chè. I would still never be involved with her again. You are my person, and you have my heart. It’s you that I love and no one else. You got that?”

“Yeah,” I said softly and buried my face in his shirt.

“I want you to be honest with yourself. Are you truly in love with me or the idea of me since you’ve had a crush on me since you were a kid?”

“I love you, Zae.”

“And I don’t doubt that. But what is it that you love about me?”

“Your courage and fearlessness. I love how you find the good in most things in life, and you’d lay down your life to protect what’s most important to you. I love how you stand for what you believe in, and you’re not easily swayed to do something different. You stand firm on your beliefs, morals, and values, and I admire that.”

Izael sighed and stared at me for several long moments.

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