Page 21 of Uncontrolled

The bus engine knocks into gear, spewing a toxic fog from the tailpipe as it continues on its route. I hobble forward to the sidewalk.

“Hey, are you okay?” Christopher asks. “What happened?”

“Probably got stabbed with a tracking device,” I mutter before I think better of it. It sounds ludicrous.

The concern on his features shifts to something deeper as he lowers a hand to where I’m pressing the hip I’m favoring. I wave off his worry.

“I feel like I’m losing my mind,” I say. A weariness weighs down my bones, so heavy I’m dreading every single step of the walk home. Christopher caresses my cheek as if he’s waiting for tears I haven’t shed yet, on guard to catch them. I lean into his touch. “I don’t know if I’m too paranoid or not paranoid enough.”

“About the hunters?” he asks. “Because I have an idea of how I can help.”

“Honestly, I’m ready to consider anything.” I say.

He ruffles his hair, stalling. I’m not sure what to make of his hesitation.

“Out with it,” I prod.

“Jamison told them about me,” he starts. “At the least, they know he and I were going after you together.”

I nod in agreement. “Exactly, which is why we’ve got to figure out a way to get you off their radar.”

He pauses as if to give my exhausted brain a moment to make the connections I’m clearly not seeing. When I don’t react, he hitches a breath before forcing himself to go on. “They’re assuming I’m one of them, Allie, because until two weeks ago I was one of them. Hell, Talia still thinks I am.” Shame burns his cheeks. “I helped hunt you.”

I fiddle with the corded bracelet at my wrist. Does he want absolution? He knows he has it, at least from me. Talia is a different story.

“You need their plans,” he says. “You could use someone on the inside.”

Finally, it hits me what he’s hinting. “No!” I say, startling him with the sudden fury in the single word.

Fresh anxiety floods me. At least it gives me the energy I need to start the walk home. Christopher trails, fisting and unfisting his hands.

“Look,” he says. “That hunter found me once, he’ll find me again. When he does—”

“No!”

He reaches for me, but I snatch my arm clear.

“Hear me out!” he pleads.

Barely twisting enough to see him, I don’t hide the emotions roiling through me. Anger. Disappointment. Fear. I make my demand cold and utterly final. “You don’t get to sacrifice yourself for me.”

He balks like I’m talking crazy and then eases into a placating hum of a question. “Who said anything about sacrificing myself?”

“That’s exactly what you’d be doing!” I scream. “I’m not throwing you to the wolves to save myself!”

Not even if I should. Not even if it’s what Talia would do. Embarrassment creeps through me. Around us and across the way, people are openly staring at what probably resembles a heinous public breakup.

Maybe it should be a breakup. I can’t stomach the idea of something bad happening to him and the longer we’re together, the higher those chances climb. Eventually, he’s going to get hurt because of me. I know this. I watched it happen to my parents. The people we love become cannon fodder.

…the people we love. There it is again, that word.

I cannot love him.

“No,” I say. I can’t decide if it denies my feelings, or his plans, or the deaths looming on the horizon. Turning away, I stalk past the library, pulling ahead of him as I shake my head. “I’m not doing this,” I murmur to no one, or possibly the universe.

Christopher follows a few steps behind. “Allie!” he yells finally. “Talk to me!”

I slow to a stop to tell him it’s a bad idea after all, him staying with me, but Christopher’s expression of pure heartbreak splinters my arguments.

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