Page 50 of Control

Papa never hit me or Maman, but he was extremely strict. We weren’t allowed to go out unless he gave us permission. Maman might have known who she was getting involved with when she married him, but I was just a child, innocent to the ways of men like Papa. But I had quickly learned the best ways to avoid that type of behavior. I wanted better for myself than what Maman had been forced to tolerate, even if it meant living alone. Being alone was safer than being with someone who could plunge me back into the darkness I was trying to escape.

I wasn’t sure where I stood with Jai now. Though his behavior was frightening, I had also seen the good in him. He had only ever been playful and attentive before then. And his words before I left…I love you. Hearing them made my heart squeeze, because the truth was, I loved him too. He was the first man I had ever fallen for like that. Could I really turn off my feelings for him and forget how I felt? Or what if he ended up being worse than my father? There were just too many unknowns, and I needed more time to think it all through.

But here I was, meeting Jai in the middle of Manhattan. The address he had messaged me turned out to belong to a performance theater. I had seen photos of it on Instagram from numerous ballet dancers I followed who had performed there.

However, the pictures didn’t do it justice. I walked up the center aisle, with the hem of my floral yellow sundress swishing against my thighs and my dance bag containing my pointe shoes, as requested by Jai, swung over my shoulder.

The entire gallery was empty. Red carpeting muted my footsteps as I made my way to the only source of bright light—the stage. Like a beacon in the night, it called to me. The moldings that bordered it could only be described as opulent. The intricate designs etched and painted onto the slabs of wood must have taken months to complete with how elaborate they looked.

I reached the steps next to the stage and climbed each one slowly, taking in the grandeur of where hundreds of dancers had showcased their talents for the world to see. What I would have given to be one of those lucky chosen ones…

The smooth black wood underneath my feet echoed my steps as some force outside of my body pulled me stage center. The lights in the gallery were dim compared to the spotlight that heated my skin, making me come to life.

Peering out, I took in the view—rows and rows of seats for bodies to fill on opening nights, excited to see what a company had prepared for them.

When my eyes scanned the front row of seats, my heart stopped.Lilies. One on each seat. I gasped as I searched row after row only to find a lily standing up on every seat in the house.

The door to the lobby in the back of the house slammed shut. Jai strode in dressed in a suit with a crisp white shirt, unbuttoned enough to see a hint of his toned chest. The scruff on his jaw complemented the perfectly tousled hair on his head—effortlessly handsome, as usual. With his hands in his pockets, he made his way to the front row, peering up at me on the stage.

My voice tested the acoustics, echoing throughout the house. “How did you do this?” I asked, looking at the rows of my mother’s favorite flower resting on the chairs.

He shrugged. “I know people.”

“This is so thoughtful, but I don’t think I understand why we’re here.”

“You said your mother never got to see you perform on a stage. Although I can’t bring her here to watch you in person, I thought you could still do so knowing she was watching you from wherever she is right now.”

Tears leaked from the corners of my eyes, dripping onto my cheeks. Maman would have wanted nothing more than to see me dance in a company performance. My audition for the company of my choice had been robbed of me when she died. I had to abandon those dreams and work to survive instead.

This was the most thoughtful thing anyone had ever done for me in my life, and the emotion that I felt inside was almost too much to bear.

His voice steadied me. “Dance, baby girl. She’s waiting.” He nodded to the rows of flowers.

I looked around, undecided that I could do what he asked of me. “But…there’s no music.”

His smile reassured me. “You don’t need it. Dance to whatever you feel inside. She’ll understand.”

I hesitated before fishing my pointe shoes out of my bag. I didn’t have any ballet attire because I hadn’t thought I’d be performing, so my dress would have to do. I sat on the floor and laced up my shoes around my ankles, forgoing wraps around my toes to protect them from blisters.

Standing upright, I peddled my feet out a few times to mold the shoes to my feet. I stared at him nervously, afraid that I’d make a damn fool of myself dancing in silence with only his eyes watching me.

As he sat in the front row with a lily in his hand, waiting for me to begin, I shook out my wrists, praying for courage, but the encouragement in his eyes granted me the confidence I needed to start.

Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath, filling my lungs with air. Maman’s face filled my thoughts—happy and laughing, with her golden hair surrounding her. A beautiful arrangement on piano came to mind, one that Maman used to love.

My feet moved almost instinctively as I heard the first few notes play, and soon, I felt my arms follow. The clunking and scraping of the wood underneath me followed the beat of the music as I stuck my landings and grazed my toes on the floor before lifting my legs to full extensions.

My surroundings became a bright blur under the spotlight. All that kept me company was the song in my head as movement flowed from me like I had previously choreographed this sequence, when in actuality, everything I was moving through and feeling was new.

A series of spins sent my body turning across the stage at lightning speed, somehow releasing all the tension and worry that I had carried with me throughout the years. A rebirth. New beginnings. With each turn, the real me, the one hiding inside out of fear, rose to the surface, pushing away the scared little girl from the past and burying her with the rest of the demons that haunted me.

Feet anchored to the floor, I struck my final pose and held it for several seconds. As I regained my balance, and the rush of the spins subsided, I lifted my eyes to look out into the audience. I imagined Maman sitting in the center of the front row, smiling up at me with pride.

I looked to the side and saw Jai standing up, clapping for me. His grin was just as proud as hers would have been, probably even more so because he knew how much this moment meant to me.

He made his way onto the stage, meeting me in the center. “That was amazing.”

My cheeks were hurting from smiling so hard. “Thank you for doing this,” I replied, still panting from my performance.

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