Page 25 of HoHoHo for You

We spent a few minutes washing each other off, rubbing and stroking skin to dissolve what sugar was left.

At one point, she’d been rubbing my thighs while I kneaded her breasts and cupped my hands to trail water over them, and she stopped moving and looked up at me with wide eyes.

I froze—had she had a scary thought? Heard something I missed? “Bridget, what—”

“Thank you,” she breathed. Her eyes went a little red and shiny, but she didn’t give in to tears. “Thank you for this, Sam. This is going to be the best Christmas ever.Ever!”

Then she leaned up on her tiptoes and pulled me down into a kiss.

I held her tightly against me, one hand in her hair, the other at her back, and thanked God that I’d gotten it right.

And when she didn’t stop kissing me, and her breathing picked up again, I didn’t stop either.

I held her tightly, and walked her backwards, slowly, deeper and deeper into the water until our bodies were as weightless as my heart in that moment…

9. The Weight of Before

SOUNDTRACK:Echoes of Yesterdayby Cassandra’s Whispers

~ BRIDGET ~

The first week in that little island paradise was bliss. I had whole hours where I didn’t even think about what time of year it was, or things that had happened to me. And even when those shadows did loom, it was like Sam had a radar for my tension. He’d always find a reason to touch me and bring me back to the present moment.

We took turns cooking simple meals. We swam and bathed and made love. We talked about the future. Sometimes I cried. Sometimes he went quiet. But we did it alltogether.

I felt safe. It was stunning, but also true.

And yet, through it all, there was an unspoken question looming at the back of my mind. Or maybe the back of Sam’s. Every day at different times I caught him staring at me, eyes shadowed and brow furrowed like he was worried.

“What?” I asked him.

And every time he said the same thing. “I’m just thinking about how much I love you.”

I never quite believed he was being honest, but the few times I pushed it, he’d shake me off, or distract me with sex—and I was more than happy to be distracted. In fact, that was my favorite part.

I wished I could shake that niggling unease that something else was going on. But when I let myself dwell on it, I always ended up in some ridiculous crisis—Sam had been diagnosed with cancer. Or I had. Or they were going to charge him again. Or he was breaking parole and this would get him in trouble.

And I couldn’t put words to it because I wasterrifiedhe’d tell me it was true.

So, after a few days, I pushed the unspoken threat aside and let myself fall into the peace and joy of being with him in this place.

That worked to keep a smile on my face… until Christmas day.

~ SAM ~

I wasn’t sure if she even knew what day it was. I’d had trouble keeping track, but I knew the day itself was important—and I hoped it would be a turning point.

Luckily I woke up before her that morning, so I could get everything ready. We’d been so distracted, so ready to sink into the quiet—and each other—that I hadn’t paid much attention to where we’d put things when we arrived. It took me a few minutes to find the present sack slumped in a corner behind the door. There was only one more present left. And it was, I hoped, the one she would love the best.

It was also the highest risk.

I already had coffee made by the time she woke up. As she rolled over and sucked in a breath, I leaned against the frame of the opening in the wall between the bedroom area and the dining space next to the kitchen. I was wearing the Krampus pants—even at this time of year it was too warm for the jacket. I had a mug of coffee in my hand and the box and her coffee on the little side table behind me.

She smiled when she saw me—then her eyes fell on the pants and she went still.

Alarm flared in her gaze, which worried me a little. She really had wanted to putallof this behind us while we were here.

Help us both, God. Help us both get through this.

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