Page 73 of Prey for You

“Good, because it’s true.”

Gerald’s eyes narrowed. “You want me to believe that you put yourself out on the dark web tohelp people?”

“Yes,” I said emphatically. “Don’t get me wrong, it didn’t start that way. I used to do it for selfish kicks and thrills. And the power of it. But now…” I leaned closer. “Now, I get behind the curtain and get to reach women that no one else ever sees. The housewife who thinks no one could ever love her. The abuse victim who’s convinced she’ll never be strong. The widow who thinks the world will destroy her without a husband to stand up for her. All of them reach their limit and theycan’t talk to “normal” peoplebecause they get judged. Then they meet me. And I don’t judge them.”

“Because you’re destructive too. It’s an alcoholic telling an alcoholic that they’re normal.”

God, it was like he’d taken a page from the Book ofPearl Clutchersas Bridget called them.

“No, Gerald. That’s not it. I know what you’re talking about. I used to be that guy. I’m not denying they exist. But I amchanged.All that need I had, all that darkness I wanted—God showed me I can use that to help people, instead of hurt. I had to learn to fight my own battles first, then I could help other people fight theirs. I used to take from people. Now I give.

“The women like Bridget who want to be challenged and pursued andhurt,it’s because control has been taken from them. They want to prove to themselves they can make it through. I was the same way—pushing boundaries, seeking thrills—all because I was miserable and angry.

“But now, I have boundaries. I have restraint. Now, I can chase a woman and let her be in a situation where she gets to work out some of her fear—but it’s because she’s safe with me. Because Iwon’tbreach those boundaries. Call it role-play.That’s what it is. She sets the terms. She decides the lines. But within those, I can do whateverIfeel comfortable with.”

“Including have sex with countless women, potentially spread venereal disease and—”

“I stopped having sex with them years ago.”

Gerald arched one brow. “I don’t think I can believe that.”

“It doesn’t matter what you believe, it matters what’s true. And what’s true is that I’ve found a way to help women who want to die learn to live again. I feed the part of them that’s trying to self-destruct and use it to show them that they don’t need to die to feel better.”

Gerald’s lips pressed thin. “Please explain to mepreciselyhow you convince a woman not to die by hunting her to the death?”

“Because it’s a process. And they learn to trust me in the middle. They learn that I keep my word. They learn they’re worth listening to. That when they tell me there’s a line, I won’t cross it. And when I tell themIhave a line, I won’t cross that either. They learn that I’ll give them what they need, but not what’s bad for them. And eventually they start wanting to be close without the violence—because they feel safe—they start listening, I can talk to them. I can use all the other skills and knowledge and experience I’ve accumulated to help themheal.”

My voice was getting quieter, firmer. I waspassionateabout this, and eager for people to hear it. But my heart thumped in my chest because I knew how hard it was for people who’d never had these kinds of desires to understand.

“Gerald, there were at least six different women in the two years before her and they’re all still walking around. They all wanted to betaken out.And before we were done, every single one gave me the safe word, then never saw me again.”

“Who are they?”

“I’m not tellingyou.”

“Do you still have contact with them?”

“No. The whole arrangement was that when they wanted to live, I left them alone.”

Gerald gets intense. “Do they know whoyouare?”

“I don’t know. I don’t think so.”

His expression grew skeptical. “So you want me to believe that there are women out there who never met the real you, butwanted to die. You’re saying you influenced them to remain alive… yet never had contact with them after they made that decision?”

“Oh, they met the real me. They just didn’t see my face. But other than that… Yes.”

Gerald scoffed.

I gritted my teeth. “You know, for a psychologist, you’re really fucking judgmental.”

“You’d be surprised. But this isn’t about me. If these women are out there, why aren’t they testifying on your behalf?”

I shrugged. “My lawyers contacted them and they haven’t responded. They were mostly years ago. I have limited information about them–”

“Bullshit.”

I shook my head. “This is what you call an open mind? Why are you here?”

---