Page 71 of Prey for You

I had to sit through the grilling with Jeremy and the lawyers, but in the end it was to make them understand that I hadn’t lied in any of my prior testimony, or depositions, or anything. It was all true. I just hadn’t told them the part about getting married.

They didn’t like it, but I could tell they were relieved.

And didn’t entirely believe me.

Oh well.

I texted Sam before I even met with them.

ME: G wants to talk to you. Do it. Be honest. Be you. He needs to see that we’re not nuts. He could be helpful with the restraining order thing.

SAM NOTPRIEST: Ironically, I have nothing to hide anymore. So sure.

An hour later, while I was in the middle of getting grilled by Jeremy and the others, he texted again.

SAM NOTPRIEST: Your man Gerald doesn’t waste time. He’s already asked for a conversation. I told the lawyers to set it up as soon as possible.

I took a deep breath then. Please, God. Universe. Higher power.Whatever.Please. He had to see the truth.

But by the time I was driving home, all the ways this could go wrong were swimming in my head.

Which inevitably lead to thoughts of having to see my father.

Which made it hard to breathe.

I tried to talk myself down. It wasn’t going to happen! Sam was a good man, and Gerald would see that!

But what if Gerald refused to admit it? What if I’d made everything worse.

Shit.

I stormed into the house intending to burn the letter, then remembered that I’d given it to Sam.

Then I thought about all the ways my father would use a situation like this for leverage.

Like, that Christmas idea he had—what the actual fuck? He wasso clearlya manipulative bastard. I wondered if he’d only written that letter so he’d be able to say that he had.

Gerald wouldn’t think so, which was why I’d never told him about it. Not really.

Gerald met with my dad when things got bad, and he was convinced Dad was old and sick and wanted to talk to me before he died.

He probably did. But the question was,why?

He said he’d been talking to thegod guys.Maybe he was scared of dying and wanted to soothe his own conscience? Or maybe it was a tool to manipulate someone else. The parole board? He’s wasn’t eligible for parole… was he?

God, just thinking about him made me nervous.

My father never did anything to behelpful.He always saw anything he did as leverage, or a favor that had to be returned. A scorecard to balance.

I remembered that even from my childhood, the way Dad held fear over other men. And my mother.

Back then I could see it, even if I didn’tunderstand. I knew that he was clever and scary and made people afraid. For a while I thought that was cool. Because I was a child and didn’t know what it meant when a man was powerful.

Now I do.

And any information I’ve gleaned from Jeremy and the others only affirmed that. The whole reason the FBI came into my life was because they’d uncovered contacts my father had been sending to get close to me.

I knew when I was a child that if my father’s favors weren’t returned, he punished you. I learned early on to begratefulwhen he gave me something, and to quickly find a way to pay it back.

---