Page 180 of Prey for You

“He said wemustforgive because weareforgiven first. Even before we knew we needed it. Even while we still hated God, He made it possible for us to be washed clean. To bemade right no matter what.”

This was the part he’d been nervous about. I held his gaze and nodded once and gave him a smile. But down where he couldn’t see them, my hands were tight on my thighs and inside I was praying,beggingthese people to hear his heart, rather than just the words he was about to say.

We’d been attending here for six months. Some people knew our story, and some didn’t. We’d had a lot of acceptance, and a lot of encouragement. I hadn’t met a pearl clutcher here yet. But still. You never knew.

“Jesus preached pure forgiveness, regardless of a person’s response, because only he could,” Sam said, straightening from where he’d been gripping the podium and putting his shoulders back. He wasn’t ashamed of this. He was worried that they wouldn’t hear it from him. “When we’ve been hurt really bad it can feel like we should never forgive—after all, we didn’t do the hurting right? But God isn’t like us. It’s important to remember that Jesus never did anything he had to be forgiven for. Because he comes to forgiveness from a blameless place. None of us can say that. All of us have done things that needed forgiving. Even the best among us have done wrong—someawfulwrong. In fact, the Apostle Paul said,“Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—and I am the worst of them all.

“So why would a God who’d never done anything wrong, preach forgiveness? Surely He was the one who needed to forgive us? Yes…” Sam said, his breath heavy. “Yes, exactly that. He had to forgive usfirst.Jesus stood in front of a judge and was convicted of things He hadn’t done. He was punishedfor crimes he’d never committed. He was beaten, abused, lied about, mocked, and eventually murdered. So he knows darkness. He knowsthe worst of what men do to each other.And His response to that is… as long as you understand that you need it,youare forgiven. All of it. Completely. Now… go andforgive others.”

Sam looked down again and cleared his throat. “You serve a God who took a man who was selfish, dark, and predatory and made him capable of love and protection.” He looked up and found me again. I teared up at the love in those gorgeous eyes as he spoke directly to me. “He took a woman who’d been hurt beyond what any person should endure, and healed her so she would never be defined by the darkness in her life. He found herprecious. Beautiful.Valuable enough to give up his life for.And He brought those two together so that they could give His love and forgiveness to each other again and again, every day.”

I swallowed hard as he turned to look at the rest of the congregation.

“Life leaves marks,” he said. I didn’t know if he was conscious of rubbing the scars on his arm, or not. But I hoped everyone understood why he’d chosen to roll up his sleeves today. “Relationships leave wounds. Families hurt. This world is broken and it breaks us in return. But Jesus heals. Jesus changes. Jesusredeems.”

His eyes were so earnest, so desperate for them to hear him.

“I am here today as a living testament to what God can do in a man’s heart. In his life. In his marriage. And I still get things wrong. And sometimes my wife has to forgive me. Actually, a lot of times.”

I huffed and blinked back tears as the hum of laughter rippled through the people listening. But then the room went quiet again—silent.Intent.

“Sometimes… sometimes when someone has hurt you more than you’ve hurt them, it feels imbalanced to forgive. It feels like letting them off the hook—especially when they haven’t recognized how much they hurt you. Believe me, I get it. If the women I hurt in my early years were to be faced with me and asked to forgive… well, I know better than anyone how difficult that would be.

“But I know Jesus. I received His forgiveness. It freed me from the very real bondage of the life I’d been living. Bondage to selfish gain. Bondage to fear. Bondage torage. And it also made me see the true treasure of forgiveness.”

He looked at me again, then away. I took a deep breath.

“I couldn’t be more grateful for the freedom I live today—spirituallyandphysically. But I literally couldn’t have gotten here without forgiveness. I needed it. I received it. And now it’s my job to offer it.Just like He did.Regardless of whether it is appreciated. Regardless of whether it is recognized. Whether they think they need it or not.

“That is how Jesus forgave. And that’s the kind of forgiveness He calls me to. And you as well. I will never tell you it’s easy. I’ll never say I can offer it without wrestling with it first. I’ll never claim that I haven’t been hurt or angry when I tried to offer it, and it was rejected. But I can tell you this: When I truly forgive—whether they ask for it or not—I amfree.And if I had the choice ofthatfreedom inside the walls of a prison, or walking around outside without it, I’d choose the freedom of forgiveness. Because the people that hurt me can still wound my body, but if I forgive them, they haveno power over me.Forgiveness is the most powerful weapon in this world—it can redeem a man capable of the worst violations in this world. And it can save a child from fear.

“I urge you, brothers and sisters… never stop forgiving. Embrace it. Live free.”

He paused, then, “Let’s pray…”

As everyone bowed their heads, I slipped out of my seat and walked briskly up the aisle to the side-door, praying it wouldn’t clang and give me away. There was a small room behind the stage that Sam would go to while they sang, but the only other entry was from the walkway outside, and I would be waiting for him when he got there.

Sure enough, seconds after I made it into that little square room with floor to ceiling shelves that housed everything from microphones to tinsel halos for the Christmas nativity—ugh, I was still struggling with the church’s fascination with Christmas—I wiped the tears I’d had, and clasped my hands together to keep them still, putting my back to the wall justinside the door, so if anyone looked from the congregation they wouldn’t see that I was there.

As the music swelled and the people began to sing, the door opened to let in light, music, shrill voices, and then a very hot, very dutifulhusband.

Sam walked in with his head low, pulling the door closed behind him. But as he turned for the external door, I piped up.

“Not so fast, Mister Priestley.”

Sam whirled in surprise, then smiled when he saw me. “Hey, what—”

I launched myself on him and pulled his head down into a deep kiss, then pulled back to look at him. “There’s no pointy hat or weird gowns in here unfortunately, so we’re going to have to make do with… I looked to the shelves for inspiration, then frowned. “Is that ahemorrhoidpillow?” I whispered.

“God, I love you,” he whispered. My heart squeezed and I looked back up at him, staring down at me, his eyes reddened, but bright.

I beamed. “You did so good, Sam. And they were listening.”

“Babe… thank you.”

I shook my head because I was so damn proud of him and how seriously he took all this that if I tried to talk about it, I’d cry. And crying wasnotthe goal here.

I reached for his belt. “Hurry, we don’t have long until—”

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