Page 175 of Prey for You

He looked at Sam like he was angry at him for being there, but then his eyes came back to mine. “I thought you were upset about your mom.”

My jaw dropped. “I mean,of course.”

“So, I’m sorry you saw it.”

I frowned. “You’re sorry Isaw it?”

“Yeah, that’s all this trauma stuff, right? I get it. My dad was shitty too. So, yeah. I was wrong. The doctors say it’s good for you if I say that out loud. I don’t know if it helps. But my bastard father sure as hell never did and I think I could’ve used it.”

I stared at him, utterly unsure how to respond to that.

And that was when I blinked andwoke up.“Dad, why did you want to see me?”

“Because I’m dying and everyone said I should give you a chance to say whatever, or ask me questions. So you could let it all go when I die.”

I didn’t know how to feel.

Was he just trying to make himself a good guy? Or did he want me to heal?

I looked up at Sam and shrugged. “I don’t know what to do with this,” I said honestly.

Sam took a deep breath. “Is there anything you want to say to him before you go?”

I looked down. My whole life I’d fantasized about this moment—my father caged, unable to hurt me, forced to answer my questions. When I was a kid I’d imagined torturing him until he was weeping and begging for my forgiveness. How I’d lord it over him and tell him all the ways he haunted me so he wouldn’t be able to sleep at night.

But now…?

Did he even want me to forgive him? He wasn’t asking for it.

Then Sam’s words popped into my head.

Forgiving him isn’t for him. He doesn’t even have to know. It’s for you. To be free.

I wasn’t so sure. I didn’t know if I couldeverfeel free of this man. But then I looked at him again and questioned that, too.

Not because I liked him. I hated him. But looking at this weird, abrasiveoldman… I didn’t even know him. I didn’t know anything about him except that he’d killed my mother, terrorized me as a child and…

And he saved Sam.

It was what I’d been thinking about the day I got brave. My dad saved Sam.It was the only thing in my entire life that I could think of that he did, that I felt grateful for.

But then it hit me… what were the chances that I would have met Sam at all if my dad hadn’t done what he did?

Sam had talked about it before, that God knew all the paths we took through life led us to the next. So, we couldn’t have the good in his life without having gone through the bad.

I knew what he meant, but I’d neverfelt it.

Now I stood there, looking at my frail, weird,powerlessfather and I felt it.

If he hadn’t been my father, he wouldn’t have taken me on his road trip.

If he hadn’t taken me on that road trip, I probably would have grown up into some weird, quirky, vanilla nerd.

I would never have gone looking for Cain.

And I wouldn’t have found Sam.

I couldn’t even imagine not having Sam. I didn’t think I could survive this life without him.

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