Page 125 of Prey for You

“Absolutely. Sexual arousal and attraction aren’t necessarily determinedonlyby these types of experiences, of course. It’s impossible to diagnose a person without extensive analysis and examination. But, yes, we do see cases whereindividual’s sexual appetites directly reflect the abuse they’ve suffered. In dramatic cases, they canonlybe sexually aroused by their form of abuse. The human sexual drive is very strong. So they seek it out.”

“Is that what our culture commonly considers “toxic?”

“Clinically we would be more inclined to identify it asself-destructive,”the Doctor said graciously.

“Fascinating,” Derek said, then very pointedly looked over his shoulder at me.

If I’d had a gun in my hand, I would have shot him in open court. But I didn’t. So he lived.

Unfortunately, the questioning continued. They were always very, very careful to skirt around actually calling me an abuse victim, or making me the target of manipulation. They spoke in general terms about the kinds of women who might employ someone like Sam to engage inself-destructive sexual acts.But no one had any lingering questions about who they were talking about, or why.

I was almost bouncing in my seat. My skinhummedwith rage and fear and… it was too much. I wanted to scream. I wanted to weep. I wanted to run out of there and never look back. Instead, I stared at the back of Sam’s neck andwilledhim to feel me there,knowingthis wasn’t what he’d done.Knowingthis wasn’t what we had.

The only relief was when Derek was done with his smug examination, and Sam’s lawyer rose to ask some questions.

“Doctor, is it also true that your research has established that in many cases of persons whose sexual appetites may have initially been molded by abuse, they are often able to findhealthyways to… express these desires? With people who aren’t abusive?”

“Yes, that’s true. In particular we have studied some of the BDSM community. Like any community, there are of course exceptions. But those who are committed to the foundational beliefs of safety and consent are generally viewed as healthy outlets for this kind of behavior.”

“In case the jury hasn’t been exposed to BDSM, can you explain the term?”

“Sure. It’s used commonly, which of course means it is commonlymis-used,” she said with a patronizing smile. “But itinvolves those who are adherent of bondage, discipline—or domination and submission—sadism, and masochism. Bondage is the act of being bound, restrained, or in some way restricted at someone else’s hands. Domination and submission mean one person in the relationship is Dominant, and given control by the other, who is submissive. In this context, a sadist is one who derives sexual pleasure from the pain of others. And masochists are those who derive sexual pleasure from their own pain.”

“Would a Primal Dom be considered part of the domination and submission group you described?”

“Yes, though it’s a newer, or less known practice, so we’ve had fewer chances to study it.”

“Can you give us any insight into whether or not that form of domination is one you would term,healthy?”

She shook her head and I wanted to slap her. “Unfortunately, it’s generally not theformof sexual appetite that determines whether a practice is healthy, but how it is used and regarded by those involved. The same sexual practice could be healthy for one mind, and not for another. For example, ifanyDominant uses the control they’re given toexploita submissive—sexually, financially, emotionally—then it would be considered unhealthy. And a submissiveseeking out exploitationwould be considered self-destructive. However, consensual practices between adults that don’t feed destruction or self-destruction would be considered healthy.”

“I think I understand,” Derek said thoughtfully. “But to be sure, can you give us examples that would define the difference betweenhealthyPrimal Dom behavior, andunhealthy,or how a submissive to a Primal Dom might demonstrate that they are engaging in self-destruction?”

I wanted to stand up and screamI’m not a fucking sub!

The women’s face grew very grim. “In both cases, the example would be different sides of the same coin,” she said. “If the controlling practices are not used purely for thrill, or the rules are not adhered to—for example, if there is no safeword providing an exit, or if the safeword is ignored—then the submissive is being exploited. But in the case of a submissive seeking it out—the easiest example of self-destructive behavior would be a genuine request to bepermanentlyharmed or killed… that is the definition of self-destruction, after all.”

I almost did stand up to protest. Jeremy must have sensed I was on the verge of an outburst, because his hand came to rest on my arm and he squeezed.

I yanked my arm out of his grip and glared at him. But I shook and struggled to breathe. My heart pounded so hard it was all I could hear.

That fucking woman was still talking but I couldn’t hear it.

I stared at the jury,desperatefor them to look at me, to hear me, toseethat this was a set up. That I didn’twantto die anymore, and it wasbecauseof Sam!

But I knew… I knew it didn’t matter what I said now. All they’d hear iscoercive controlandStockholm syndromeandtrauma bond.

From his seat between his lawyers, Sam turned to look at me and all I could do was silently plead with him to forgive me for putting him in this situation.

But the memory of him talking about whether or not he’d choose to bare another woman’s breast in public before he fucked her rose like a phoenix from the ashes of my mind and I almost gagged.

I was trembling so bad, my arms shook.

“Bridget… Bridget, what do you need?” Jeremy whispered.

I shook my head, chewing my lip until I tasted blood. This was all coming apart. It was all going bad. And it wasmy fault.

I dry heaved and Jeremy shot out of his seat, urging me to my feet and ushering me quietly out of the courtroom. The judge looked disapproving, but didn’t say anything. And the jury were so enthralled by thatfucking doctor’stestimony that they barely glanced my way.

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