Page 142 of Prey for You

“So… youdon’tthink Sam has fucked with my head so that I think I’m in love with him, but he’s manipulated that?” It wasthe question that had burned in my mind every miserable, lonely minute since I’d had to walk away from Sam.

Did I onlythinkI loved him, when actually I’d been conditioned to think that?

Had I fallen for him because my mind was so shattered that I felt love when someone fucked me over?

Did I feelsafewith a monster because I really had married my father?

God, I wanted to slap Jeremy for puttingthatin my head.

Gerald gave a heavy sigh. “You want the real truth, Bridget?”

“Yes!”

“The real truth is… I don’t knowwhatto think anymore.”

I went completely still. “You think… you think there’s a chance Sam is good?”

Gerald looked away from me and his jaw rolled. “I truly don’t know,” he said quietly. “What I am sure of is that Sam is another example of the ways your life, in which you’ve beensurroundedby violence, has formed your tastein men and sex and… well, relationships.” He took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. “Frankly, I’m not afraid you’ve being coerced. I’m afraid that your trauma has morphed into an appetite for violence that draws you to the kind of people who are very, very dangerous for you.”

“So, youdothink he coerced me? Or trauma bonded me, or whatever? And that he never loved me, he was manipulating me?”

“No. I don’t know.”

I blinked, shocked. “Are you—”

“I think that your connection with Sam is born out of an unhealthy place, but it has… opened you up in healthy ways. And I don’t see how that is possible if something real didn’t happen. And yet, by the same token, it’s also clear that Sam is not all the things he told you he was. Has he fought for you? Yes, consistently. I will give him that—he did when I went to see him, and even his lawyers—who had very strong words for me about talking to him—reported that he shows concern foryouwhen they’re dealing with him. It is… startling. And yet…”

“And yet?”

Gerald put his glasses back on and locked eyes with me. “It is possible for both things to be true, Bridget,” he said gently. “It is possible for Sam to be in love with you—even want to help or protect you—and still be a creature of violence and deception. If that is the case, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t care. But it does mean he has issues. Issues that could harm you deeply.”

I wasn’t breathing, but Gerald didn’t stop.

“Men can love you and destroy you at the same time because oftheirissues, Bridget. It’s not black and white. I’m sorry, but… that’s the best that I can say.”

But that left me even more confused.

46. Give Me Your Word

~ SAM ~

With the possible exception of my first week in prison, the days that followed were the worst of my life.

Bridget didn’t come to Court. She didn’t have to since she’d already testified. My lawyers were pissed with me for not listening to them about the meeting with Jeremy, and preparing for him to bring charges.

I was utterly alone.

Each night I texted Bridget, and called the burner phone. But either she’d turned it off, or blocked me. It always went straight to voicemail. After the second day, I stopped leaving messages, but still sent texts, just in case.

I wanted to let her know I understood. She had a history of men manipulating her, or being violent. She needed time to calm down. But I made sure she knew I loved her and needed her too.

The thing I didn’t say was that I was pretty sure I was going to lose this fucking case and be put back in prison and I wasfreaking the fuck out.I didn’t know how I’d cope if I was locked up againandlost her, too.

I begged her to tell me if she was even getting my messages, but nothing.

I went to bed exhausted and woke up worse—if I slept at all.

I was falling apart.

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