Page 106 of Every Chance After

“Well, hedoeshave all his teeth and face tatts,” I play along. “I’ll dig it out of the trash if you’re so inclined to call him.”

Her smile fades, but only slightly. “Ah, that’s okay.” She taps her temple. “Already memorized it.”

“Fine, call him. Have a good time. Then, imagine Bobby giving Roy all the juicy details of your date. Do you wantthoseimages inthatmind?”

She slumps, smirking. “Ah, you just ruinedBobbyfor me.”

“Better to ruin him before his next sentence starts, right?” I smile, but it falls fast—I was jealous. “I, um, apologize for them, though I know we’re not supposed to do that. The world has left them behind, and they’ve enjoyed watching it go.”

“Oh, don’t you worry, Grady Tripp. I’m bringing the world to them, with Wren’s continued help, of course.”

“I don’t doubt it, darling.”There’s that word again.

Our chuckling dies into a soft silence that has me thinking, probably too much.

“It’s good to laugh,” she says with a breath.

“If you’re not laughing…” I say, letting my voice trail off like she did at the hospital when she said the same thing. A beat later, I ask, “Never dating again, huh?”

She shrugs.

“You’ll get over Ashe,” I say after another hesitation.

She grunts. “Iamover Ashe. Over him. Over Sunny’s. Over it. I don’t even need to put him on my list. That’s not why.”

“Then, why?” I turn away from the eerie swamp’s full-sky reflection, preferring to see her instead. “Talk to me.”

She plops onto the dock, sitting cross-legged with her paper pressed against her notebook in her lap. She tucks her pen behind her ear. I sit across from her the same way, awaiting her explanation, though I already suspect what she will say.

“Truth,” I say when she gets quiet. “It’s okay.”

“Truth is, I don’t want to make you feel worse.”

“The only way you can do that is by not talking to me.”

She scoffs. “That’s what you’ve been doing to me. Why should I be the open book when you slam yours shut every time we’re together?”

“I don’tslamit.” I rake a hand over my head. “You’re better at being an open book, but I’m trying. Tell me why you’ve sworn off dating.”

She sighs. “Fine. It’s not so simple for me anymore. Imagine how nerve-wracking it would be to start with someone new, only to tell him I come with a disclaimer? Then, if I like him, hoping that he’ll be okay with it. Then, feeling bad about it, even if he is. Every chance after is tipped against me, tainted, over thisonething, over unfair expectations. For families. For pregnant bellies and labor stories, andoh, he’s got your dimple, oroh, she’s got your hair color mutation. Ugh. Putting myself out there again would make me feel like a day-old cupcake, sitting on the clearance rack, hoping someone would pity me and take me home. Do I put sans uterus on my dating profile underneath cat lover and board game enthusiast? Do I talk about it on the first date? Wait until the third? Spring my childlessness on him after we have sex or before? How do I bring it up? Would broaching the subject be a red flag for a guy? Would not bringing it up be deceptive? What would it even sound like…Oh, by the way, before you get any long-term ideas, not that you would—no pressure—you should know that this girl doesn’t come with a uterus.Wouldyouwant to have that conversation with someone you’re dating? That would turn Grouchy Grady off in a second, wouldn’t it?”

“No, it wouldn’t. Honesty and openness shouldneverbe a turn-off. You tell him whenyou’reready. Not before. However you choose to say it,whenyou choose to say it, it’ll be exactly right. Don’t swear off dating out of fear—you have a rule against that. Remember?”

She smiles lightly. “Yes, but it’s notonlyfear, Grady.” She takes a breath, eyes shifting away from me in a gentle roll. “Funny thing is, I was never sure I wanted kids. When Ashe or Cora talked about it, I thought if it happened, great. If it didn’t, great. I would’ve done it for them, but not for me. I never had much of a childhood and wasn’t keen on reliving it by caring for someone else. I should’ve been upfront about it with Ashe from the start. Even so, my self-worth never centered around future motherhood; it’s a shame that my worth to them did.”

She holds a wagging finger up between us. “For the record, this isn’t me falling apart. This is me having a moment.”

“Understood. Have all the moments you want. I get how the Sullivans made you feel, but fuck them. A man worth your time wouldn’t care.”

“That’s the thing, Grady.Icare. I have to, now.” She glances at the swamp, seeming to take an interest in the skittering dragonflies or the sunning turtles. “I’m used to being devalued, and that’s okay. Devalued for working in a grocery store, not going to college, not having any family or even many friends. That’s all okay. But this…thistime, Ifeeldevalued. That’s what I hate.I. Am. Less.A future with me means a sacrifice for someone else. How can I ask anyone to give that up for me?”

“The chance to love you forever, to beyours, wouldn’t be a sacrifice. It’d be a gift, an honor, the best pirate treasure. Truly.” I grab her hands across our laps and hold them between us as she chuckles. “Want to know what’s better than having a family?”

Her brow scrunches. “I can’t think of anything.”

“Creating one wherever you go. That’s your gift, Marina. One of many. You are beautiful, intelligent, motivated as fuck, and so warm, like a fire on a cold night. I’ve never met anyone quite like you. Just existing in your periphery makes me a better person. As the surliest asshole in Seagrove, I’d never say any of that unless I meant it. I can’t imagine a luckier man than the one who wins your heart.”

Her lips curl while her eyes stretch wider than usual. “That’s definitely the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me.”

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