Page 37 of Love in Focus

Brent shoots me a knowing glance. “That’s how he says‘I love you.’” He gives Aaron a peck on the lips. “I love you, too, babe.”

We all laugh, and from behind the cameras, Celeste makes a heart with her fingers.

After Aaron and Brent leave, Celeste and I are packing up for the day when I get a call from the Amatos. I put my phone on speaker so Celeste can hear the conversation, too. “Hello?”

“Hi, this is Maria Amato. My husband and I were scheduled to interview with you guys today but couldn’t make it because something came up. Sorry, but can we reschedule our interview? Things have been so hectic with our girls out of school for winter break. Weekends work better.”

I exchange glances with Celeste, who nods. We reschedule the Amatos for two days later, the Saturday before the week of Christmas. After I hang up, I shoot Evelyn a quick email to inform her about the schedule change.

“Any fun plans for the holiday?” Celeste asks as I get ready to go home.

I turn around to face her. Her expression is neutral, like she’s making conversation for the sake of it. Maybe she is. Maybe she’s not. It’s hard for me to tell what Celeste is thinking these days.

“Not really. I’m going back down to Irvine to spend it with my parents,” I reply. “Whenever I’m in town for the holiday, we usually go to Christmas Eve Mass and have family dinner.”

Celeste’s eyebrows shoot up. “Oh, right, you’re Catholic. Do your parents know that you’re…”

She trails off. She must be remembering all my anxiety spirals from back when we were in college, when I was still coming to terms with the fact that I’m bi and was so scared that my parents would find out. Back then, my highly traditional parents finding out about my sexuality seemed like a worst nightmare situation, since I’d heard about other kids who were Korean, Christian, or both being disowned for coming out as gay.

“Yeah,” I reply. “I was terrified for the longest time, but after I met my friends, Val and Kiara, here in SF… I felt safer and more confident about everything. The first time we all went to Pride together, my parents saw the pictures on social media and had a lot of questions. I was shaking the entire time, but I came out to them. They were surprisingly more ambivalent about it than I thought they’d be. Not totally accepting like the picture-perfect parents on TV, but not opposed to it, either. Although I think they still secretly want me to end up with a man.”

Celeste winces. “And you can’t even tell them you’re not interested in guys. Because you are.”

“Right,” I sigh. “How about you? If I’m remembering correctly… your parents have known for a while now, right?”

She nods. “Yup. I was a bit of a wild kid, especially by Korean standards. And ever since I first got caught kissing a girl in middle school, they’ve known I’m not straight. They still wish I was, though,” she adds with a bitter laugh. “That’s part of the reason why I moved back to LA as soonas my mom was able to take care of herself. Honestly onegreatthing about my parents’ divorce is that now I only have one parent who actively pressures me to settle down with a man. I haven’t heard from my dad in eight years, and honestly? Good riddance.”

“That’s so tough,” I reply. “I’m sorry.”

By then, I’ve finished packing, and Celeste walks me to the door of the studio.

“It is what it is,” she says. “Luckily, I have a chosen family in LA and a close friend in Seoul who gets it. He’s coming to hang out with us for Christmas this year, staying with me for a week before traveling elsewhere in the country.”

“Oh, that sounds so fun!” I exclaim. “Is this the friend that helped you while you were having a hard time back home?”

Celeste nods. “Yup. His name is Min-joon. We’ve been friends since we were kids. That’s actually one of the reasons I know I’m definitely lesbian,” she adds in a dry, vaguely humorous tone. “Because if I liked men, we’d be married by now.”

A giggle escapes from my lips. “Wait, and he doesn’t like you in that way, either?”

She shrugs. “Well, unlike Aaron and Brent, he’s bi, not gay. So I guess there’s always that possibility. But no, apparently I’m too scary to be his type. He claims he can barely tolerate me as a friend.”

This time, I can’t stop myself from full-on hollering. “Too scary!”

Celeste shrugs again, but she’s smiling now, too.

It’s raining outside, so after Celeste and I wish each other a happy holiday, I stay inside the lobby to request a car to my friends’ place. I do have my umbrella, so theoretically, Icouldwalk to the bus, ride it to the light rail stop, and take the train to Inner Sunset. But I don’t want to deal with the cold rain, and especially not at night.

As I wait for my ride, I realize this was the first time in a while that Celeste and I had an extensive, personal conversation together. It was nice, but also strangely foreign, like putting on a favorite cardigan that had been lost under the bed for several years.

My car arrives, and as I get in, I wonder if Celeste and I could possibly be friends again, chatting for hours like we did before we even officially dated. Celeste talking about her friend Min-joon made me slightly jealous, not because of anything romantic, but because I wished I also had that kind of friendship with someone. I love Kiara and Val, but it’d be nice to have a friend who’s queerandshares the same cultural background as me.

I stare down at my phone, wondering if I should ask Celeste to just be friends. But then, I get a flash of us on Sunday, of how I was seconds away from ripping off her clothes. With a sigh, I rest my head on the window and close my eyes, listening to thepitter-patterof the rain.

The next day at work, Evelyn sticks her head out of her office door as I walk by.

“Gemma?” she says. “A word, please.”

I sent her the materials for Brent and Aaron’s interview last night, so when I enter the room, I ask, “Was there an issue with the third interview?”

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