Page 64 of Come As You Are

She answers immediately, and the way she says “Hey, Eves” makes me feel a little like I’ve just come home.

“Hey, ClaireBear.” It just comes out. I’ve used that name so many times, I can’t help it. “Long time.”

“Yeah. Good to know you’re still alive.”

“Well, I’m in the infirmary after falling on my ankle, if that makes you feel better.” Okay, this is not the path I wanna go down.Think of the card. Think of the card.“But your art really is amazing. And you… you look really happy since I left.”

“I am,” she says simply. “I mean, notbecauseyou left. I did want to apologize to you, but I couldn’t exactly do that when you had me blocked everywhere. Our fight made me think about a lot of things, though, and stuff I wanted to change, and I started hanging out more with art kids and my cousins, and yeah, it’s been good.”

“So you didn’t become BFFs with Sierra in my absence?” I can’t help asking. “Because I kinda thought that’s what you were going for.”

There’s a pause, and then, “This is probably a stupid question, but you heard about Sierra, right?”

“I did, from my parents. They didn’t tell me much. Did you know anything about it?”

“Of course not,” she says, and I believe it. “Craig might’ve. I don’t know. But no, she and I were not friends, and I had no desire to be.”

I think of the questions that’ve plagued me for the last couple of months, about Craig and Sierra and whether they ever became a real couple, how long they lasted. Clairewould know the answers to all of it. She could tell me exactly how things went down. She could fill me in on everything I’ve missed in Greentree.

But now that I’m actually talking to her again, hearing about how she moved on, and knowing how I did, I don’t know that I wanna go back there.

“He sucked” is all I say. “I’m sorry I didn’t realize that sooner.”

“I’m just glad to hear you say it now. I didn’t think you’d listen to me if I’d told you, even about Sierra. It probably wasn’t the right way to go about it, but I just thought… I thought if you found out yourself, then you wouldn’t be able to deny it. And you wouldn’t associate me with it. I hated keeping it a secret from you, and I’m sorry I did. I should’ve trusted that you’d listen to me.”

“Yeah, I wish you would have,” I say honestly, but I think about Heather, how I’ve been torn between telling her and keeping my mouth shut every single day since orientation. “But you’re right—who knows? Maybe I would’ve continued being stupid and taken it out on you. Maybe I wouldn’t have believed you, or maybe I would’ve even found some way to blame you; Lord knows I made some stupid calls where Craig was concerned. I think I get it, though, why you didn’t want to tell me yourself. Some people are just really good at hiding being pieces of crap.”

“Too true,” Claire says with a snort. “And how’s it going over there? You haven’t posted anything. Have you found a new BFF? Did you find someone to take your mind off Craig?”

Now it’s my turn to snort. “Craig helped me take my mind off Craig. And I’ve made some friends,” I say cautiously. I’m dying to spill about Salem, about Lucas, about what a screwup I’ve been, but now that she’s finally free of my drama—and clearly thriving because of that—I don’t want to drag her back in.

But God, I’m gonna burst if I don’t say something to someone, and there’s no one safer I could tell. “There is a guy, sort of. He’s kind of my best friend here, and I really did not look at him like that… until I did, and now I can’t stop. Which is really bad, because he does not feel the same way.”

“How do you know?”

“Well, he was hooking up with one of the hottest girls in school until like five minutes ago.” I decide to leave out the part about why they broke up, because I don’t need her reading into that. If it’d been true—if Jenna were right, and Salem wanted me—wouldn’t he have told me on the spot? Wasn’t that his opening?

“And? Sounds like he’s single now. So did you tell him you like him?”

“What? God no. I mean, I don’t even know if I do. He’s obnoxious and annoying and he calls me Skeevy. It’s just…”

“It’s just…”

It’s just… I think of how badly I’ve been wanting him to touch me. How my meals feel incomplete without the scent of his green apple. How he knew exactly what to put in the bag he brought here, because somewhere along the way, Salem Grayson became the person who knows me better than anyone else in the world.

How he looked when he opened the door last night, soft pants slung low on his hips.

How it felt to find that stupid underwear in his bed. How it felt to hear him sing that song to someone else.

How could he have sung like that to her if he feels the way about her that he says he does? A lot still does not compute, but for all I know, he’s just covering up hurt he doesn’t want to admit. And that is a confession I have no interest in extracting.

“Nothing. We’re friends. He’s my best friend here. I can’t lose him.” And I really cannot survive another heartbreak, especially if I don’t have him to go to afterward.

“Okay, Evie, now that we’ve established that Craig sucked, I’d like to emphasize just how much hesucked.And I don’t mean he sucked for cheating on you with Sierra; he obviously did. But he sucked the entire time. He never did shit for you. He forgot your lastbirthday,even.” Oh, God, I’d completely forgotten about that in the wake of everything else. “And yes, I should’ve told you when I found out about them, but I also couldn’t believe you just didn’tsee it.”

I don’t know what to say to that, so I don’t say anything. I feel stupid for all those wasted tears, all that wasted energy. The whole point of my pact with Salem is to become someone who’s stronger than that, who understands the world better than that, who can see guys like Craig coming a mile away because I’ve seen bad behavior from the other side.

But all I’m seeing is me becoming a sucker for a guy,again.

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