Page 49 of Come As You Are

But maybe that also means letting go a little, too. And so even though I know it’s only symbolic, that I won’t be reaching out and neither will she, as soon as I exit the bathroom,I make a beeline for my phone and unblock Claire while Sabrina watches approvingly over my shoulder.

I don’t know that I feel any lighter. I don’t know if she’ll even notice, considering I haven’t posted anything since emptying out my account to purge my entire Greentree life. But it feels like acknowledging that I’m a little less afraid of something than I was when I got here, and I’ll take any little hint of badass I can get.

Friday afternoon it’s time to put the focus back on Salem and his self-improvement, so I drag him along with me to community service, and Matt finds the idea so amusing he tags along for the ride. In fact, the van taking us to Pinebrook Forest to do cleanup is completely full—so full that Matt justhasto squeeze in with Priya, and Ashleigh justhasto sit on Landon’s lap.

I take my time picking my seat in the van, waiting to see if Salem and Jenna will find some clever way to end up together, but when she slides in next to Izzy and Salem loudly informs me that you can’t get pregnant just from sharing a seat with a boy, I bump my ass in next to his. Hard.

Despite the fact that they don’t interact once the entire ride, I can’t stop looking for signs of the thing between Salem and Jenna. How are they playing it this cool in each other’s presences? How in control of your own emotions must you have to be in order to sit in a van with someone you’reregularly seeing naked and not even acknowledge their existence?

This is the attitude I dream about having. I should be taking notes.

“We’re gonna be in the van for another twenty minutes,” Jenna observes. “Maybe we should play something fun to pass the time.” Her gaze flickers over to me, but before I can decipher it, she’s moved on. “I haven’t played a good game of Truth or Dare inforever.”

My immediate reaction is to roll my eyes—these games are always really boring when you don’t actually have secrets. But then I remember that not only do I have a secret, but it’s one I have an extremely vested interest in keeping from someone in this van.

And I may be a great bluffer, but I am a horrific liar.

I dig my nails into the underside of Salem’s thigh, and when he turns to me to snap, I widen my eyes in pleading. He furrows his brow, as if he doesn’t understand what I’m asking, but then gives a dramatic shudder and says, “If I’m so much as in the same room as Truth or Dare, I start to taste truly bad tequila and smell burnt cotton. And before you ask, Never Have I Ever both tastes and smells like the worst weed I have ever had.”

As everyone laughs and changes the subject to talking about bad party memories and substance experiences, I could kiss Salem in gratitude. Well, give him a hearty handshake is more like it. But as soon as I catch his attention, I mouth aThank you,and receive a brief smile in return.

The ride is over before we know it, and we pile out and receive our instructions, complete with reflector vests that make us look like convicts doing trash pickup on the side of the road. Which is to say, I feel a little badass and I don’t hate it.

What Idohate is how much garbage people leave among the trees. I pick up water bottles, soda cans, single socks, empty bags of chips, gum wrappers, and deflated beach balls, but I am absolutely not prepared for the next piece of trash I see. I glance at the volunteer next to me, who happens to be Matt. “Matthew, please tell me that’s not what I think it is.”

He follows my eyeline and bursts into laughter. “I swear, dormie, that’s not mine. I’m, like, ninety-five percent sure.”

“Why does Skeevy look like she’s about to puke?” Salem asks, walking over from where I can only assume he’s been hiding out with Jenna; I haven’t seen him in at least fifteen minutes. “What’d you do, Matt?”

“Idid not do anything,” he says, pointing at the used condom. “Perhaps that’s from one ofyourwoodsy adventures?”

Okay, I know we’re all kidding here, but the idea of that being Salem’s is about a thousand times worse than the thought of it being Matt’s. Salem just laughs and tells Matt to shut up, and while it’s nice to finally see some camaraderie between them, I also feel the need to edge over to some more… feminine energy.

I glance around until I spot Isabel’s gleaming hair and trudge over to where she, Jenna, and Priya have discarded their trash pickers and are standing around talking, laughing, and hollering after Ashleigh to pull her pants on and comeback. Okay, so, maybe this isn’t the ideal spot either. But before I can track down Kayla and Heather as my plan C, I hear Jenna call out, “Hey! Evie! C’mere!”

Reluctantly, I do.

“I was sad we didn’t get to play earlier,” she says with a smirk. “I was really hoping to get to know you better.”

Oh, this doesn’t seem good. “I’m really not very interesting,” I assure her.

“I don’t believe that for a second, Rumson Girl.” Her ice-blue eyes narrow, and I catch a flash of silver in her hand that I’m pretty sure is a flask. This is the weirdest community service ever. “Truth or dare?”

“Jen.” Izzy puts a hand on her arm, but Jenna shakes it off, and I know I have no choice but to answer. I just… have no idea what the right answer is. But at least, unlike in the van, Heather isn’t in my immediate vicinity, so that’s something.

The other thing is that we all know exactly what she’s going to ask, and I have a perfectly safe answer. “Truth.”

“Have you hooked up with any Rumson boys?”

“Nope,” I reply, popping thep, because I don’t actually know where Lucas lives, but it isn’t my dorm. And then, because I can’t leave well enough alone, I add, “How about you?”

Her smirk is razor sharp. “It’s not your turn, Rumson Girl. But you already know that.”

I meet her gaze evenly. “I already know a lot of things.”

Isabel sucks in a breath, and I silently curse my inability to keep my mouth shut.

But then again, isn’t the whole point of this pact withSalem to learn to stand up for myself, to trust my instincts and not to back down? Maybe this is growth, rather than my just being stupid.

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