Page 48 of Unmoored

It doesn’t take me long to update her on the breakup situation. Despite trying my best to wrap it in Mom-friendly language, most of it is covered by one sentence. “So… I dumped him, drunk-bid on a houseboat, and now I live in Nanaimo Harbour.”

There’s a long pause.

“Uh—it’s different. But it’s great. I like it.”

I hear a rush of breath, like Mom is sitting down hard. “Eden! Oh, sweetheart,” she finally groans. “Dad can drive there tomorrow, he’ll take the ferry over. You can move in with us, like we’ve always said?—”

“No, Mom,” I interrupt her as gently as I can, smiling across the harbour as I watch the seals slowly spinning around. “Thank you, but no. I have to do this my way.”

She sighs. “Are you sure? A… a houseboat?”

“I’m sure. Even if it’s on a houseboat,” I laugh. “It has to be my way. Not your way, or George’s way, or anyone else’s. Not because I don’t love you, but because…” I trail off, my brain spinning.

I spent a long time not loving myself. I only see that now that Murph treats me the way he does—like he loves every part of me, even the part of me that can’t help poking at him to try to get a reaction.

“Because I don’t know whoIam otherwise.” I shake my head slowly. “And that’s scary. I can’t help thinking, if he’d proposed to me a little bit earlier… I might have never found out.”

“Oh, honey,” she murmurs. “I’m sorry about the breakup.”

I can hear it in her voice, and I smile wryly. “But?”

She hesitates, but then she can’t help but give in. “I’m so glad,” she exclaims, making me laugh. “No, but… he was never good enough for you, darling. And we’re so proud of you. But—are yousureyou want to do this alone? On a boat…? Have you even been on a boat?”

I laugh. “Believe me, the locals feel the same. But they’re real nice here. I’m settling in. And the sea air is good for me. It’s like in your Victorian romance novels, when they go to the seaside to recover from a broken heart—” I break off, clearing my throat hastily. “Not that he broke my heart. It was for the best.”

Mom just hums. “Mmhmm. But it’s okay if you’re heartbroken for a little while, Eden.”

“Is it?”

“You were crazy about him at first. Even if those feelings changed, you’re bound to remember the early days more than the ones that came afterward. It might hurt for a bit.”

It hurts to hear, but it actually makes a whole lot of sense. I suck in a breath though my teeth. “Yeah. I’m glad things ended, though,” I murmur. “Really glad. I don’t look back that way, you know?”

“Mmhmm. That’s a good sign.”

“It really is.” I clear my throat, sighing as I lean back to stare up at the sky. “I’m sorry I didn’t call sooner.”

“You know we’ll always wait til you’re ready to talk,” Mom says. “And when someone likeyoudoesn’t do a lot of talking… we know things are bad.”

I groan, and we both laugh. “Yeah. But I’m finding my footing again. This place… I don’t know. There’s something about it. I think I can stay here for a while. I’m finally by the ocean. No,onthe ocean. Can you believe it? Me?”

“I’m going to try not to,” Mom groans, and we both laugh. “But if that’s where your heart tells you to be, then that’s the right thing to do.”

I hesitate. “Is it? I mean, my heart led me to George.”

There it is, the question I’ve been too afraid to even let into my thoughts:How do I know I’m not just doing it all over again with Murph?

Mom hums again in that noncommittal mom way. “I think your heart knew, somewhere deep down. Whenever you talked about him, you sounded like you were talking about one of your paintings—something in progress, not done yet.”

“Isn’t that what relationships are supposed to be?”

But I’m already starting to see her point. Murph and I are just starting to get to know each other, and it’s already a league away from how it was to get to know George. God, that was like prying teeth.

Mom just chuckles knowingly. “Yes and no. You have to keep talking, choosing to open up instead of shut down. Keep choosing them. Loving someone is learning to do that. And the right person will make you want to learn.”

“Yeah,” I breathe out softly. “And it feels different, right?”

“Always,” she promises. “The times might be hard together, but loving him—or whoever it is—should be the easy part. You don’t have to make excuses for them, or cut yourself down to fit into the picture frame of their life.”

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