Page 159 of Hat Trick

When did I get so reliant on him making me feel good?

When did my happiness become intertwined with him being around?

When did I start smiling nonstop?

What if I never stop?

“Can I ask you a question?” Riley murmurs, and I look down at him.

“Sure.”

“I want you to let me get it all out before you answer, okay?”

“Sounds like something I’m going to hate, but let’s hear it.”

“Hang on. I need to sit up for this.” He takes his time flipping onto his back and sliding up the treatment table so we’re facing each other. “Moment of honesty?”

“Yeah,” I croak, afraid of what he’s going to say next.

Does he not want to see me anymore?

Am I being too clingy by asking to spend time with him almost every day?

Has he noticed the shift between us, the start of something deeper than physical attraction brewing beneath the surface when we lie together, tangled up in sheets and sharing secrets we’ve never told anyone else?

“This friends with benefits thing has been amazing,” he starts, and I’d be shocked if he couldn’t hear my heart beating right now. “But what I feel for you isn’t strictly physical anymore. It never was, and it was shitty of me to pretend otherwise. I-I want to go out to dinner and hold your hand in public. I want to go to bookstores together so we can argue over which books are best. I want to go to another amusement park and laugh until I cry. I want to take you out on a date—a real date—and I know that word might scare the shit out of you, but we can go slow and do things on your terms, because I’m sick of acting like I’m only interested in hanging out with you if it means I get to fuck you. I want so much more than that, and I think you might too.”

The world stops moving, and I suck in a sharp breath. Riley is staring at me with gentle, kind eyes, and never, in my entire life, have I ever felt so vulnerable and off-balance, but also so seen and understood.

It’s like he’s staring into the depths of my soul, and if any other person on this earth said those things to me, I’d run. I’d be out the door and halfway to my car, but I can’t seem to bring myself to move. I’m rooted here, in a way. Frozen in place while he waits to hear what I have to say with a patient smile and a soft pink blush on his cheeks.

“What… what would change?” I ask, voice shaking with fear. “Between us?”

“Nothing,” he says automatically. “If you want things to stay the same, they’ll stay the same. There’s just more… heart to it all.”

“Heart,” I repeat. “And we can go slow?”

“As slow as you want.”

“I don’t know how good I’ll be.”

“Me either. But we can try together. If you want.”

I want that more than I’ve ever wanted anything else, because Riley makes it sound easy and fun, but I’m terrified I’m going to mess up. I’m terrified I won’t be good enough for him, and he deservesso much goodafter the shit he’s been through.

“Can we still be friends if…” I trail off and wring my hands together. “If things don’t work out?”

“Yes,” he says. “Of course. You’re my best friend, Lexi. Nothing will change that.”

Every part of me that’s been conditioned to shove men away and live happily ever after by myself wants to scream no. I’ve done just fine for so long, so why should I change things now?

But… it’shim, and if it’s going to work with anyone, it’s going to be with the man who brings me doughnuts and tells me how capable I am. The man who listens to me and encourages me, and every wonderful thing he’s done for me in the time we’ve spent together comes racing to the front of my mind. It’s what makes me nod my head. What makes me huff out a laugh.

“Okay,” I say, and I rewarded with his brightest smile yet. “We’ll try,”

“Yeah?” he asks, and I nod again.

“Yeah,” I say. “But only so we can argue about books and I can tell you why I’m right.”

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