Page 51 of Hat Trick

We’re quiet for a while. Sitting here without cheering fans, a PA announcer or thumping music is eerie, but also soothing. I can feel my mind shutting off. My breathing evens out, and I smile.

“What kind of trouble am I in?”

“None.”

“I’ve been skipping my rehab sessions.”

“I know you have. It’s hysterical hearing the excuses Lexi come up with to cover for your ass.”

“She’s been doing that?” I ask.

“Yeah. My personal favorite is when she mentioned you were awaiting a very important package.”

I bark out a laugh. “You aren’t going to yell at me?”

“Nah.” Coach uses his thumb to peel off a piece of stick tape from the wall. “I thought I’d try a different approach.”

“I can’t wait to hear what you have in mind.”

“I’ve been where you are, Riley. I’ve been the guy on the bench who can’t play. I’ve been the one to give everything I have to this sport, only to be let down. And I’ll tell you what: it fucking sucks. It’s the worst feeling in the world to see your teammates achieve shit without you, but then you feel like a dick for wanting them to fail. I’ve gone through the jealousy. The anger. The self-loathing. It never turns out well.”

“What do you suggest I do instead?”

“The longer you let what happened consume you, the longer everything else in your life is going to suck. You have to mourn it. Loathe it. But then you have to learn you’re so much more than this injury. So you’re not ‘Riley Mitchell, hockey superstar’ anymore. Who gives a fuck? You’re still Riley fucking Mitchell. You just happen to be injured, and that’s okay.” He pauses for a beat. “What would you tell your younger self if you found out you got a second chance at life?”

I blink and focus on the Stars logo at center ice.

I haven’t thought of that. I’ve been so worried about what I can’t do that I haven’t bothered to consider what Icando, which is fuckinglive. Enjoying everything I was seconds away from losing. Andholy fuck—I’ve been such a selfish bastard treating other people like shit.

“I’d tell myself to get the fuck over it. Respectfully,” I finally mumble after a stretch of silence that feels like years. “The only way I can go is forward, so I might as well enjoy what I have.”

“There were so many days I almost threw in the towel,” Coach says. “I cut off my friends. My teammates. My family. I didn’t talk to anyone for weeks.”

“How did you climb out of the hole?”

“I didn’t have much choice. Fate intervened. The night I finally left my apartment, I went to a bar. I got drunk, hooked up with a woman who made me feel something other than sad, then became a dad. I didn’t have time to stew on what I didn’t have, because I was holding a tiny, perfect human who looked at me with blue eyes, and I realized it wasn’t just about me anymore. I couldn’t play, but I could coach. And coaching meant stability. A paycheck to support my family and still being around the sport I loved. Why would I go back to the moments everything was so shitty for me when I had a miracle waking me up at three in the morning to give my newborn a bottle?” He smiles. “If it weren’t for Olivia, I’m not sure how my life would’ve turned out. It’s not always easy. You can’t magically become undepressed, but you have to find something that makes you feelgood.”

“Wow.” I glance over at him. “Are you saying I need to chug some liquor and find a pretty girl to sleep with?”

Coach snorts. “I don’t care what you do, but you need to do something. You can’t live like this forever, Riley.”

“I know.” I blow out a ragged exhale. “It’s exhausting.”

“And you can’t let it define you. Not when you’re so much more than what’s under your clothes.” He pinches the bridge of his nose. “That sounded stupid as hell. Pretend like I never said it.”

“Nah. I think I want to make it into a shirt:It’s not what’s under your clothes but what’s inside that counts.”

“Watch it,” he warns.

“Thanks for this, Coach. The guys all mean well, but they don’t get it.”

“Of course they don’t. No one does unless they’ve had the most important thing in their life stripped from them. Guess that means it’s time for you to find a new most important thing.”

“I don’t know what that could be, but I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Good.” Coach clasps my shoulder. “No one is rooting for you more than me, kid.”

“I’m still going to make a shirt with your inspirational quote on it.”

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