Page 18 of Serenity

ChapterEight

Faith

“Dillon,”I mumbled, still half-asleep when I rolled over and reached out for him. I didn’t expect to connect with anything other than sheets, blankets, and pillows. I’d done the same countless times since he walked out. I was devastated all over again whenever I woke up and found myself alone. But this time was different. My hand collided with warm muscle, and my eyes popped open. When I spotted him standing next to the bed, I thought maybe I was hallucinating since I hadn’t been feeling well the past couple of days. “Dillon?You’reback?”

“I am.” His dark eyes were filled with concern as they scanned my face. “And it’s a good thing because you look like shit. What the hell did you do to yourself while Iwasgone?”

“Gone?” I repeated, shaking my head. I tried to swallow the saliva that pooled in my mouth as a rush of nausea assailed me. Feeling chilled, I yanked the blankets from his grip and pulled them over my body. “Is that what we’recallingit?”

“Faith—”

“No!” I held up my hand, anger surging through my system at hisgentletone.

“Baby—”

“Don’t you dare ‘baby’ me! You disappeared for days on end without answering a single one of my texts or calls. I had no idea where you were or if you were ever coming back. You don’t get to just show back up and expect me to be okay with you pulling a stuntlikethat.”

Not even if what I really wanted to do was throw myself in his arms. He actually came back when I was pretty much convinced that knowing his brother’s kidney was inside me was too much for him to accept. That he didn’t love me anymore. But with the way he was looking at me now, I didn’t know what tothink.

“I’m sorry I hurt you, but those letters blew my world apart. Everything I thought to be true about Declan’s death turned out to be a lie.” I fisted my hands in the blankets, resisting the urge to reach out to him and offer comfort. “The only thing other than gambling and you that has helped ease my pain since I lost him was what my parents had told me about his death. That he hadn’t suffered. That he’d died in the crash. Not a month later when it would’ve been possible for him to have been yourdonor.”

I heard the pain in his tone, and it killed me. So fucking much. I never wanted him to be hurt like this, but it didn’t negate what I was feeling. It didn’t erase the pain he’d put me through by walking away from me the way he had. “I understand what it’s like for your world to fall apart. It happened to me when I was twelve and my mom overdosed. As shitty as my life with her had been, it was all I had ever known. And then I went through it all over again when the doctor told me the damage to my kidneys was too severe and I needed a transplant to survive. That an illness as treatable as strep throat was going tokillme.”

“Faith,” hechokedout.

“But the universe wasn’t done with me yet because the joke was on me when I discovered that the very reason I was still alive and able to fall in love with you was also going to be the reason Ilostyou.”

He ignored my raised hand and climbed onto the mattress next to me. “You’re not going to lose me. Iloveyou.”

I never thought I’d hear those three little words from him again. My heart started to race, and my vision clouded as tears began to spill frommyeyes.

“Shit, baby. I’m so fucking sorry.” He swiped at my cheeks with his thumbs before pulling me intohisarms.

“Love isn’t supposed to hurt like this,” I sobbed into hischest.

“You’ve got it all wrong, baby. The people we love are the only ones who can trulyhurtus.”

I pulled back and glared at him. “There are different kinds of hurt, Dillon. You can’t ever do this to meagain.”

“I won’t,” he promised. I didn’t detect anything but sincerity from him, but it wasn’t enough. I wasn’t sure he fully understood how deeply his leaving hadaffectedme.

“If we fight, you can’t walk away. No matter how pissed you get. You have to stick around and work it outwithme.”

He didn’t hesitate to respond. “Iwill.”

“You need to really think about this. Don’t make me a promise you won’t be able to keep. Not about something as important as this.” Iwarned.

“The way I left you was all I could think about when I powered my phone back up and saw your texts and voicemails. It was all I could think about on my drive over here, as I tried over and over again to reach you. I’m not making you an empty promise,Faith.”

I gave him a jerky nod, but there was something else I needed to understand before I forgave him. “I know you were upset. I get it. I really do. But what I haven’t been able to figure out is if you still love me, why did you walk awaylikethat?”

He scrubbed his hands over his face like he usually did when he was frustrated or upset. “It’s going to be hard for you to understand, but I thought I was doing what was best for us.Foryou.”

He was right about one thing. His answer didn’t make any sense. None at all. It only got me all fired up all over again. “Best for me?” I snorted. “The going got tough and you got going. Just like anyone else would do. Except I thought you were better than that. I never thought you’d leavemelike—”

I couldn’t finish the sentence. It hurt toodamnmuch.

“I fucked up,” he groaned. “But I won’t walk away from you like that again. Not now that I understand how it triggers your abandonment issues. I was so damn worried about saying something that would hurt you and destroy us. I didn’t stop to think that saying nothing at all would be worseforyou.”

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