Page 106 of Loaded

Were the villains, not me and you.

It’s not my face at fault here

It’s those who glare and jeer

The real beast lives inside of them,

They get back what they give.

So stop looking to slay monsters,

And start working on yourself.

The gorgeous monstrosity you should fear

Is the one staring back at you in the mirror.

Work on the beast you have some hope to tame,

And when you see the ugliness,

Call it out by name. Oh, call it out by name.

“Ithought we’d need to do this over and over,” I say, shutting off the machine.

“That was. . .” Octavia shakes her head.

“I’m sure we could probably improve it,” I say.

“But I have no idea how.” Her smile is light and joy and peace. Five minutes later, we’ve made the changes to the sheet music, scanned it, and hit ‘submit.’

“Thank you.” Octavia inhales sharply, and I realize she’s trying not to cry again. “Thank you for wanting to do this.” She swallows again. “With me.” She stands up abruptly and grabs her purse. “I should let you get ready for work.”

Two seconds later, she’s ducking out the door.

I don’t try to call her back, in part because I do need to get ready for work, and in part because it looked like she needed some time to process.

If Dave and Seren have taught me anything, it’s that the world around us may be ugly. It may be dark. It may be full of yuckiness and misery. But the only way to make the world into what we want it to be is to change it, one small thing, and one small person at a time. I like to think that working with Octavia is in some small part like their work with me. With Emerson. With Jake.

She has some damage, just like we did, but good people can heal that damage better than any graft ever could. She just needs to know that we all see the beauty inside of her, just like Dave and Seren saw it in me when I didn’t see it in myself.

When Seren calls me on the way to work, I pick up with a happy heart. “Hey, you.”

“Hey, Mom.”

She pauses for a second, and I wonder how many times she’s heard me call her mom. Not many, I imagine.That’s a darkness I intend to change. “I just wanted to make sure you and Jake are coming to Barbara and Bentley’s wedding a little early. They want to go over placement and whatnot.”

“I’m bringing someone,” I say.

“Is it Elizabeth’s brother?”

“How do you know everything?”

“Emerson and Elizabeth came by yesterday, and she mentioned you were dating.”

“He is. . .”

“Handsome?”

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