Page 109 of The Surprise

“As I understand it, you’ve never even really dated her.”

“But I’ve liked her for a year,” I say.

“Yes, but liking someone and dating them are very different. When you’re dating, you’re finding out whether your rhythms match. Whether your goals are in alignment. Whether you want the same things. Whether, day-to-day, you get on one another’s nerves. You find out—”

“Mom, stop. You’re making it sound like she’s barely an acquaintance, and that’s not true.”

Mom stops talking, but her eyes are full of opinions.

“Listen, I came to you first, because I thought you, of all people, would understand.”

“I think Idounderstand this situation, much better than you do, sweetheart. I’ve had four children, and I love them all dearly. I’m a woman, and I know what that feeling is, staring down the barrel of this kind of monumental life decision. More than most anyone understands, believe me when I say thatI do.And I am empathetic. I’m trying to be supportive, but that means that I can’t be a yes-man.”

Somehow, every word she says makes me want to punch the wall.

“You’re a kind, generous, smart, hard-working boy, and you came from a happy home. She comes from a home that may not be as happy, and that has its own share of challenges, but when you add a baby to the mix—”

“Mom!” I stand up. “Stop talking about her like she’s some kind of charity case.”

She stands up, too. “Then stop acting like you’re some kind of knight in shining armor. I know that feels good. I know you want to be invincible, and protecting something helps you feel that way. But you have no idea how depressing, how demoralizing, and how agonizing it can be to be a parent. And that’s when the child is yours.”

“Don’t you believe in adoption?” I’ve heard her advocate for it. She and Dad even talked about fostering kids with the thought of adopting more. “How would this be different?”

“Ethan, before you heard Beth was pregnant, would you have evenconsideredadopting a child with her right now?”

I hate arguing with my mom. It’s like trying to hold back the tide, armed with an umbrella and a spray bottle. “Look. I’m not going to stand here and go back and forth with you. I thought that talking to you was going to help me, but clearly I was wrong.”

“If byhelp, you meant that you wanted me to charge in and tell you what you wanted to hear, then no, I won’t do that. But here’s your first lesson in parenting. More important than making sure your kids like you, your job is to advocate for what’s best for them, even when theyhateyou for it.”

“Well, you thought college was best for me too, remember? You think you have all the answers, but sometimes you’re wrong.”

“I didn’t say you should go marry Beth and raise a baby with her, or whatever it is that you wanted me to say, because it’s a lot more complicated than you think. The situation under which your father and I chose to marry and have you was a different situation altogether than what you’re dealing with, and you should be able to understand that.”

“It’s twenty years later, too, in a world that’s more understanding and more honest,” I say. “There are lots of other differences, too. I never said it was exactly the same.”

But it’s still deflating to watch her poke a bunch of holes into my plan for our future instead of being our strongest ally.

“Ethan, I’m always on your side.”

“But I don’t want there to be sides in this.” I grit my teeth. “I’m on Beth’s side, which means I need you onourside. Do you think you can do that?”

She sighs heavily.

“You know what? Whatever.” I kick the edge of the sofa on my way out, which probably earned me a scowl from Mom and definitely hurt my toe.

As I storm out and climb into the truck I only have because Steve decided to give it to me, I think about what she said. I don’t want to think about it, but I can’t seem to help it.

Beth’s child isn’t mine.

We haven’t really dated.

She’s implying we may not even be compatible, and that now, everything for us will be far harder because we have a baby coming. A baby I shouldn’t have at all.

There’s no way we’d be considering adopting if Beth wasn’t pregnant. Mom’s right about that. But no one sits around planning for the joys of a snowstorm. You don’t, like, prepare for the roof collapse right around the corner either.

I realize that even in my head, I’m comparing the baby to some kind of uncontrollable natural disaster, as if it’s bad and as if Beth had nothing to do with its creation.

She did sleep with someone.

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