Page 69 of Five Fingers of Death

I sucked in a breath, and that’s when I felt it. Fucking tears were falling down my face, and that explained why I was losing so badly. Fuck, I was an emotional wreck. What the fuck was wrong with me?

My legs collapsed from under me and I fell to my knees. Jack went with me, never releasing me. It was like he understood what I was going through and refused to let me do it alone.

Of course he knows, you fucking idiot.

“It’s not your fault,” he repeated, pulling me in for a hug. “I know you think it is, but she didn’t die because of you.”

“I wasn’t there,” I choked out.

“You weren’t there for years, man. She didn’t tell you about Carli. You didn’t fucking know.”

I released a harsh breath and slumped to the ground on my ass, hanging my head between my legs as I took a moment to just breathe. Each second that passed was a little less painful, but that didn’t make reality any easier to face.

“I pushed her away,” I finally said. “After what happened?—”

“Yeah, I know, man.”

I shook my head, blowing out a slow breath. “I just didn’t want to trust anyone again. I left her.”

“Been there, done that,” he chuckled. “Did you really think I wouldn’t understand?”

“That was different,” I grunted. “You were getting yourself clean. I just ran.”

“Not sure I would have gone after Sky if she hadn’t come looking for me,” he sighed. “I was too busy beating myself up for what I had done to her.” He cocked an eyebrow at me. “How did you call it? Strangling the woman I loved because I was too fucked up to recognize her?”

“Fuck,” I breathed. “Can we not bring up the stupid shit I say?”

“We could, but then it would be all about the stupid shit I say and do. I can’t keep all the prizes for myself,” he chuckled. “You know, Leah wouldn’t want you beating yourself up right now. She’d probably be yelling at you for ruining her funeral.”

“How the fuck would you know? You never met her.”

“Because I know women, and somehow, they always do the opposite of what we think they would want. So, if you’re beating yourself up, she’s probably up there wondering why you’re beating yourself up over her, when you never really loved her and your little girl needs all the attention right now.”

A heavy sigh left my body. “I didn’t, did I?”

“Not really, but I think you wanted to.”

I glanced out of the corner of my eye at him. “How did you know?”

“Because if you had loved her, you wouldn’t have waited five fucking years to go after her.” He shook his head slightly. “Honestly, I think after all the shit Rafe put us through, I think we’re all desperate for something normal. You saw your shot with Leah. That’s not a bad thing.”

“Just too fucking late,” I muttered.

“But you have one hell of a little girl waiting for you, and she already thinks the world of you. You just have to let yourself be happy with that for now. The rest will come in time.”

He shoved to his feet and held his hand out to me. Grabbing it, I allowed him to help me up, then pulled him in for a hug, grateful I hadn’t lost him after what Rafe did to him.

“Yeah, this is really fucking sweet,” Johnny drawled. “Can we get some beer now?”

15

LOCK

“Alright, someone give me some good news,” I said as I walked into the conference room.

Rae brought up a map on the big screen, pinpointing a city in Florida. “Since I tracked Jade to Florida two weeks ago, there’s been no activity since she fell off the grid.” Her eyes flicked to Eva before returning to me. “He probably stuck her in a safe house.”

“God forbid he check in,” I muttered.

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