Page 78 of Body Count

The kitchen floor was filthy under my cheek, dust and crumbs sticking to my face.He didn’t care about that, thank God, or it would have been one more thing for them to fight about, because neither did she.She was screaming now.And broken up between those screams were his shouts, and the sound of flesh slapping flesh.For a disorienting moment, I wondered, Why isn’t the radio on?They always turn the radio on when they fuck.

His steps came back.He stood over me.My eyes were open, and I could see his boots, his jeans, everything from Kmart.Kmart Kid.Jalen McDowell had started that in fifth grade.But I wasn’t in fifth grade anymore.The thought was muzzy.I was in high school.Nobody had called me Kmart Kid for a long time.

He was shouting down at me.“No son of mine—”

Then he kicked me, knocking the wind out of me, and I couldn’t hear the rest.

She was screaming at him.And he was screaming back.The crack of another blow.She stumbled.The table skittered.One of the microwave dinners we’d been eating flipped onto the floor.It was one of the Michelina’s.Cannelloni.The red sauce splattered across the floor in a widening stain.She was still screaming, and these weren’t the screams I was used to.These weren’t routine.These weren’t part of the script.But we’d all been off script tonight.It had all gone off script the minute I’d said,I need to tell you something.

A shockingly loud clap rang out in the kitchen, and then she wasn’t screaming anymore.

She needs you.

I started to push myself up.I planted one hand in the sauce.But it was cold, slightly sticky.And it was too far from the dinner that had fallen.I smelled something metallic.Coppery.My hand slipped out from under me, and I hit the floor again.

She needs you.

Somehow, I got my hands under me again.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”he said.

I drew my knees under me.

“Stay down!”

The blow cracked against the side of my head.The world went one way, and I went another.

Shuffling movement.The table jarring again.A glass rolled, fell, broke against the linoleum.

I raised my head, but something was in my eyes.

She needs you.

I found the table with one hand.

This time, he sounded exasperated.Almost like he didn’t believe it.“What the fuck did I just tell you?Stay the fuck down.”

The kick caught me under the ribs, driving the breath from me again.I felt something flex in a way it was never meant to flex.And then I felt it snap, and the pain was like someone sticking a knife in my side.I didn’t even remember hitting the floor.But the glass pricked at my bare arms and legs.It was summer.I’d thought, later, I’d be going out.

“I’ll deal with you in a minute, you little faggot.”

Steps moved away again.And another sound.One I couldn’t let myself visualize because just the sound itself was too horrible: the whisper of something soft and heavy being dragged across the floor.

Their door slammed shut.

The radio came on.

It was The Clash.“Should I Stay or Should I Go.”

I was fifteen, and every breath was like someone twisting that knife in my side.

The glass bit into me as I dragged myself to my hands and knees.I crawled until I got to the counter.Then I used one of the cabinet doors to drag myself upright.I still couldn’t see very well.From the bedroom came the unmistakable crack of the belt, audible even over the radio.The silence—or what felt like silence—between the blows was a kind of punctuation.We’d had to do a review of that last year.A comma means a pause.A period means a full stop.

She needs you.

We kept the broom in the cramped pantry, not that anybody ever used it.Somehow, even with my hands shaking, I got the door open.I found the broom.I had to lean on it like a cane, the bristles giving every time I put my full weight on it.That knife in my side got sharper and sharper as I limped down the hall.Their door was shut.And the radio got louder and louder.

I woke with a start, covered in a flop sweat, my heart racing as I gulped down air.For a moment, I only knew that I was trapped, that something held me.Arms grabbing me.Stopping me.Stay down.I fought my way free.

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