Page 74 of The Crow Games

“I found them,” Asher said. “I found the sisters on the train, and I brought them to each other in a passenger car.”

I was glad for that, but my ability to say so had left me, choked off by the knot growing in my throat. Was I damned to that fate too? Doomed to chase my vengeance until all it got me was dead and gone, searching the life after for my baby sister?

“Are you all right?” he asked.

“I hate it here,” I panted. My eyes welled, and an ache built and built to a sharp crescendo in my head. I rubbed at my brow trying to relieve the pain, but the sting of it only grew more relentless. “It wasn’t fair.”

“Lean back and breathe.” Steady and deep, Asher’s voice reached me over the rush of blood in my ears. “Close your eyes.”

I listened, latching onto the sound of him because it was the only thing stopping the spiral. My lungs slowed, and I summoned my mental mortar and pestle, crushing the sour feelings down and down and down, but it wasn’t enough.

I looked up at him. He was making the mortar and pestle too. He ground his fist into his palm, and that sparked something in me, knowing he was just as devastated as I was by this loss. I wasn’t alone in it. Not this time.

I shut my eyes, and his fingers laced in my hair and squeezed. At the sudden pull at my scalp, the tension building in my head lessened. It was like he could see exactly where it hurt. He did it again, and this time the relief was so sweet a groan slipped out of me. His fingers rubbed gentle circles there until the ache eased enough that I could open my eyes.

“I’ve lost my mind, and I don’t know how to get it back.” I pointed at the pathetic state of my feet, reassured by the knowledge that he was a patient soul I could be weak in front of without worry. He was powerful enough to take on the grief that was crushing me, a man capable of destroying the biggest monster I’d ever laid eyes on. And I wanted him to take this pain from me. I wanted him to have all of it. “Bram stole my pistol.”

“The one that belonged to your sister?” he asked softly, fingers scratching against my scalp.

“Yes,” I rasped.

He cupped my chin, his thumb brushing along my jaw. The eyes that met mine were hard and glossy as volcanic glass. “I’ll get it back for you.”

A silent sob shook my shoulders. My next breath left in a whimpering puff. “Thank you.”

But the hole was still there in my chest, mirroring the old wound I’d put in his. I so desperately wanted to feel better, wanted to think about anything other than all the wretchedness churning inside of me. I’d lost my match in this world, and I’d never have her back again. She’d been taken to a place I could not go . . .

“I know what you’re thinking,” he said, holding my eyes with his. “It’s not true. You’ve never been all alone.”

I leaned forward, dropping my brow against his side. “I hate it here, and the worst of it is, people like poor Liesel didn’t deserve to be in the games. She stole a damn cow because she wanted to be nice to it. That’s all. She didn’t deserve that death. But me? I deserve to be here. Liesel and Lisbeth were a danger to no one. I’m a danger toeveryone.”

“You’re not a danger. You weren’t yourself.” He kept a hand in my hair, combing through the strands, pushing them back behind my ears. “You shouldn’t be here, and we’re going to get you out. You’re not alone.”

My throat burned. Tears dripped off my nose.

“I spent time in your mind,” he reminded me. “I know you felt connected to Lisbeth because she was your sister. Your blood. She felt like a part of you, but you’ve forgotten your coven. All of these witches, they have a small part of you too. You made that so.”

I swallowed hard. My heart pinched. “They do.”

“They’re all your sisters, Maven. Every last one of them. You are far from alone in this world.”

I reached up and grabbed his wrist, just needing more of him to touch. He let me lean there and cry on him, as understanding of my feelings as he always was. I’d never thought about things his way, but he was right. I’d broken off all those pieces of my divinity and given them away until there was nothing left. My priestesses became witches, and their children and their children’s children did too.

They were all my sisters, and not just in name. Ruchel and Blue and Nola were my sisters just as much as Lisbeth was.

Oh, but that didn’t solve anything at all. That just made the hole so much bigger. Couldn’t he see that? There was so much more to lose now.

I hissed out a breath, then swallowed the sorrow down and down and down so that it couldn’t drown me. My next lungful of air came more evenly.

I didn’t want to listen to Alwin. He was a deity with god ambition I couldn’t trust, and holding on to my vengeance was what kept me strong. It’s what kept me fighting. Anger fueled me when grief sapped me dry. If I let go of vengeance completely to grab on to my new sisters in its place . . . I didn’t know what would remain of me. Whoever I would become, they wouldn’t be much of a protector.

“Have you got your mind back yet?” he asked.

“I think so? I don’t know. It doesn’t matter.”

He tipped my chin up, his touch featherlight. “It matters.”

I spotted the tear in the leather at his chest. He was so gentle with me, I didn’t like looking at the wound I’d caused him, and I covered it with my palm.

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