Page 27 of When the Smoke Clears

So, the dread deepens. I contemplate if I’m getting an ulcer. When Alan returns from his work trip, he’ll want to know where I stand. He’ll want to know I stand with him. I’m not sure I’m prepared for his response when I tell him no.

Maci’s name lights up my phone screen just as I’m getting back from the gym. I can count on one hand the number of times she’s called me in the last six years.

I swipe the green button, noticing the state of my nails. I haven’t gotten them done since before the funeral. He will have something to say about it if they’re in this condition when he returns. Alan used to tell me the nail care was for my benefit. To be pampered. But the sweet gesture became frustration whenever I would decline or allow too much time to pass.

“Maci? Is everything alright?”

Her tone is formal, but less confident than usual. “Do you have a few minutes to talk? There are some things we need to discuss.”

“This sounds serious.” Normally, I’d go straight for a shower after the gym, but Maci has me curious. Eyeing the security camera in the ceiling corner, I tuck my legs against the couch, crossing them at the ankle.

“It is.”

“Well, you caught me at a good time.” I wait for her to continue. I would’ve assumed she said all that was needed at our lunch over the weekend. She has my propensity to lash out, though I tried to curb it in her. Her will has only grown since leaving home.

“I don’t even know where to begin,” she says quietly. I’m not even sure she’s talking to me.

“For heaven’s sake, you’ve got me on pins and needles. What’s going on?” My annoyance is more about a lack of control than not wanting to hear what she has to say. From the jump, she was a dramatic child.

“I met my father.”

“James?” His name sticks in my throat. I haven’t said it aloud in too many years, though I used to sigh and scream it for so many reasons.

“Yes. He came to see me on Saturday, after you left.”

“Oh?”

She continues, “He saw us together at lunch and decided it was time to clear the air. But you had already left and since the cat was partially out of the bag when he showed up at Nana’s, he told me the rest.”

“The rest.”

“He told me how in love you both were. How you eloped to Vegas.” Maci’s words come across kind instead of smug. Maybe she hasn’t seen me spontaneous, but she doesn’t seem cynical.

James lit liquid fire in my veins with his touch. I thought nothing could ever come between us. Every day without him has sent me deeper into a cold cavern of despair.

She continues when I can’t bring myself to speak. “Told me that you found out about his brother—his family—and got scared. That you left him a note.”

When the news of Corbin’s death reached us, the fear was overwhelming. Would they come for James, too? Maci? Would he want us to move to Ireland? “I did what I could to protect you.”

“I know.”

“I—what? You know?” For the first time in too many years, she believes me. I expected more disdain.

“Yes. James confirmed that the way you handled things was probably the safest option. And based on what he said, I would’ve been scared shitless and run with my daughter, too.”

“Maci.” Even as I half-heartedly reprimand her for her language, I don’t fully believe what she’s saying. Maci has the kind of strength I wish I could have held onto. She’s tenacious, untamed. But I’m not convinced James would have thought me leaving with our daughter was best, so I wonder why he would’ve said it.

How could he think what I did was right when we hardly had a conversation about it? And why is she so quick to believe a man she’s just met?

“That’s not all.” Her tone changes abruptly, like she’s leading into something else. Meeting James is a pretty big event, given that Maci hasn’t seen him since she was almost four. I can’t imagine what could be bigger.

“Go on.”

“There was a guy I met right after Nana passed. Here in town. At a bar.”

Seriously?We may not have agreed on much, but surely I taught her better than to get knocked up by some small-town hillbilly. “Oh, Jesus, Maci. Please tell me you’re not pregnant.”

“No!” A shocked anger infuses her words. “Wow. That’s the worst you could think of?”

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