Page 119 of When the Smoke Clears

“Yes!” He bounces a little in his sneakers.

“Happy Thanksgiving, honey,” Izzy says, wrapping her arms around me. I return her hug and give Leah a side hug.

“Banana fall asleep?”

Leah grins. “Yeah. Sorry we didn’t tell you sooner that they were coming. Lily kind of dropped them on me with some B.S. about working tonight.”

“That’s ok. I’ve missed them.”

Sutton stands fully. “Happy Thanksgiving.”

“Oh, come here,” Izzy says with a laugh, and reaches up to hug Sutton around his neck.

He leans down and wraps an arm around her briefly.

“Can we see ’em?” Roman looks between the adults.

“Who, bud?” Leah ruffles his dark hair.

“Da horses!”

Izzy’s eyebrows jump.

“I don’t mind taking him down there.” Sutton’s offer comes with the silent caveat that Leah okays it, and he waits.

“Well, hell yeah. Let’s go.” Leah gestures for him to lead the way.

He pauses. “Do you want to take the truck? I can lay the tailgate down. It’s a short drive, but it’s a longer walk with a sleeping toddler.”

Leah smiles. “That’s probably smarter.”

Sutton drives while Izzy, Leah, and I ride on the open tailgate. Savannah is still passed out against Leah, while Roman stays tucked between my legs with my arms wrapped around his tiny body. I barely set him on the ground before he makes a beeline for the paddock fence, jumping onto the middle plank and draping his arms over the top.

“Look at dat one!” Roman points excitedly to Johnny Walker on the far side. Dusty, Michael’s horse, and Veda graze closer to the driveway. Boots is farther out in the pasture.

We make our way toward them and Sutton climbs quickly over the fence instead of opening the perfectly good gate right next to where we stand. He makes a clicking sound in the side of his mouth and Johnny Walker heads our direction.

“He’s coming!” Roman’s shriek only increases my own excitement. Seeing things through the eyes of a child gives them such a magical perspective.

“You want to ride him?” Sutton looks over his shoulder at Roman.

Savannah begins to stir, and Leah talks to her quietly.

“Oh, can I?” Roman hardly gets the question out to Sutton before he jumps off the fence and bounces in front of Leah. “Can I please? Please, please, please?”

“Yes, silly.” She ruffles his hair again. His eyes are wild with glee and he spins in a few circles before he manages to right his body and run back to the fence.

Sutton guides Roman through the lower two planks of the fencing and gives him some rules about behavior around the horses. Roman is transfixed, wholly focused on Sutton and the words rolling off his tongue. I understand the draw.

In the abstract, I promised Sutton children without a second thought. I’ve always seen myself as having children at some point and if he wants them, too, great. But now, watching him talk to Roman like he’s more than a random four-year-old who turned up on his property, the care and respect that he’s giving him? I know without a doubt that he’s the perfect father for my future children. Is there anything he does wrong?

“Have you two talked about kids?” Izzy speaks from between me and Leah, as if reading my thoughts.

“Somewhat. Why?”

“Because she’s worried she got knocked up just by watching him.” Leah snickers at herself.

I laugh, and Izzy’s face turns a deep pink. “That’s not why I asked.”

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