Page 19 of When the Smoke Clears

WhenSuttonheadsoutside,I’m too wired to go back to sleep. I don’t have a fighting chance with coffee on board, anyway.

Nervous energy zings around inside me, and a localized throbbing starts behind my eyebrow. I rub at the spot with two fingers.

I throw the covers back, shifting so my legs dangle off the side of the bed. My house shoes are easy to find in the bottom of the closet. My pajama pants will likely drag on the ground, but I don’t care.

The bedside table is cool under my hand as I use it to help me stand. The increasing pain in my side reminds me that it’s time for another round of pain meds.

Taking my half-full mug with me, I make my way into the bathroom for my pills before heading into the hallway. The stiffness begins to ease from my muscles, even if the wound aches. Moving helps somewhat.

It’s a short distance between the bedroom door and the entrance, and I rest my hand against the wall on my left side as I take my time getting to the exterior door to venture outside.

The gravel drive crunches underfoot. I’m not sure where I’m going. I don’t really want to be with anyone; I’d be shit company right now. I also silently hope that Daisy doesn’t come boop me in greeting.

Despite the dark, the silhouette of the Defender calls to me. With measured steps, I cross what I guess to be twenty-five feet to reach the backend of the machine. The tiny tailgate is open and just above ass height. It takes effort, but I slide my way onto the bed of the off-road vehicle. My feet dangle in the cool November air and puffs of smoke escape my mouth.

I did it on my own. I sip my coffee with pride. Success feels good.

Enough time passes for the sky to change colors as the ranch awakens. Intermittent moos sound and occasionally a bird calls. Faintly, voices shout back and forth. The nearest building is down the hill a ways. I wonder if there are any new calves this morning.

The ceramic mug is cool against my lips, chilled by the morning air.

Crunching gravel draws my attention toward the corner of the house, just before Sutton rounds my way. I perk up.

“Firecracker?” His pace picks up.

“Hey, Cowboy.” I cock my head at him playfully.

“What are you doing out here?” When he reaches me, he rubs my arms up and down. “Are you cold?”

I shrug. “It feels nice.”

The pad of his thumb is rough as he runs it over my cheek, eliciting goosebumps across my body. “Why didn’t you call me?” His voice holds less frustration than anticipated.

“I couldn’t sit still, and you hadn’t been gone long.”

He holds my gaze for a long moment. “How are you feeling?” I open my mouth, but he interrupts. “And if you eventhinkabout saying ‘fine,’ I will haul your ass inside so fast your head will spin.”

A small giggle bubbles out of me. “I’m a little sore.”

“Do you need more pain meds?”

“No, I took a dose before I came out. They don’t get rid of it all, though.”

“Stay put.” He grabs my mug from beside me on the tailgate. As he turns to go, he gives me a sharp look. “I mean it. Your stubborn ass better be right fucking there when I get back.”

My eyes widen and my cheeks heat. Sutton being a man of few words has never bothered me. He conveys plenty through looks alone. Coincidentally, he also has a certain way with words, and as usual, I’m immediately on fire when his commanding side comes out. “Yes, sir.”

It’s wildly satisfying when his eyes flash before he walks away.

As promised, I stay put until he returns carrying a full mug.

“Thank you.” I sip my coffee. A low groan rises from me at the renewed warmth. “Any new calves this morning?

Sutton hides a smirk. “Not today. Do you want me to help you in? I have a few more things to do.”

I shake my head. “I’ll head in soon and get dressed.” I’m reminded of the day I met him as he continues to stand silently. He stood on Nana’s porch while I came close to a mental breakdown, just letting me go through whatever I needed to. I wonder if he knows he was a safe haven for me then, just as he is now.

“Ok. I’ll come check on you in a bit.” He kisses the top of my head before heading around the front of the house and disappearing, giving me one last look over his shoulder.

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