Page 54 of Fake It 'Til You Sleigh It

Bubbles takes a step forward, hungry, unimpressed, or maybe a little of both.

Was it my pep talk?

Is this gator judging my Ethan-centric thoughts?

Wait a minute. Can alligators sense sexual frustration?

“Fine,” I groan, ditching the cake and holding up the Frog à la Mode tub. “I get it, you’re hangry and conflicted. You understand how I feel, don’t you? Wanting to kiss someone and also wanting to punch them in the face. But for you, it’s biting their face off. Same difference, really.”

I eyeball the lifeless frog, wondering how my life choices led me to this moment. Here, in the armpit of the Sunshine State, playing therapist to a scaly beast while holding Kermit the Frog’s less fortunate cousin—this is rock bottom.

Slowly, I reach in and touch the slimy corpse. “Oh God, it feels worse than it smells,” I gag.

The frog’s leg is cold and clammy as I grip it with my fingers. I pinch my nose with my free hand and then dangle the carcass over Bubbles’ waiting maw, acknowledging the sheer stupidity of hand-feeding an alligator in the dead of night. I let go, and he snaps his jaws shut with an ominousCHOMP!

Quickly, I wash my hands. Because, ew, frog cooties.

Good. That’s done. Now back to me.What do I want? Orange Juice? Toast? Ethan? Ethan’s abs. His chest. His rugged face with that cocky smile. I want the way he looks at me when he thinks I’m not paying attention. Yeah, I wantthat.

Why can’t I stop thinking about him?

His lips.

That kiss.

Damn.My whole fucking body tingles at the memory.

“Bubbles, this is crazy, right?” I ask. “I mean, there’s no way. He’s an actor. He knows how gorgeous he is, and he uses it. Against me, against all women. If we hook up, it’ll inflate his ego even more, and he’ll be impossible to work with.”

I groan, covering my face. “Directors do not sleep with the talent. Period. It complicates everything.”

Even if it would be mind-blowingly, fan-freaking-tastic.

The creature is watching me with what I swear is sympathy. Or maybe he’s just bored. It’s hard to tell with reptiles. “You’re a great listener. Has anyone ever told you that? You don’t talk back, you never roll your eyes, and this may sound crazy, but I feel heard.”

“Let’s break this down. Banging Ethan—pros and cons. Pros: He’s hot as hell. Like, unfairly attractive. It would probably be the best sex ever. I mean, you’ve felt his hands on your body.”

“Cons: It could, no, itwouldwreck my career. We have half a movie to finish filming. Things would get weird on set, like super awkward. Plus, it’ll make him even more of an arrogant jerk.”

“Ugh. What am I supposed to do? I know you’re cold-blooded, but you get it, right? The way Ethan makes your skin heat up every time he’s near?”

Bubbles respects my thoughts with silence.

“Okay, I hear you. Shut it down. Slap on the chastity belt and lose the key. It’s only a few more days. Eyes on the prize.” I sigh. "You really are an emotional support alligator."

His giant mouth opens again, teeth so sharp they look like a freaking knife set.

“Got it, therapy session’s over. Time for more snacks,” I say, steeling myself. “Listen, big guy,I’llfeed you another disgusting treat, and in return,youagree this conversation never happened. Deal?”

He stays still, which I choose to interpret as agreement. I open the fridge, and I see zero mysterious containers.

“Uh, we might have a problem here, big guy,” I say.

He honest-to-God looks sad, and after all we’ve been through tonight, it breaks my heart a little.

“I can’t… Where would I even find more?” I plead. “Come on, quit giving me that look… I’m not going outside. I’m in my pajamas, dude. They’re silk!”

I swear he’s giving me the stink eye.

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