Page 43 of Fake It 'Til You Sleigh It

Ashley picks up her pace, eager to move the interview along. “Your hilarious dares have had me giggling every day. Say, would it be possible to pick today’s challenge live on our show?”

“Absolutely,” I say, whipping out the dare jar as if I were a gambler laying down the winning hand.

The reporter turns to Chase. “So you both have no idea what’s on those slips of paper?”

“Trust me, I wish I did.” Her voice is tight and controlled. I know that tone. She hates not being in charge—hates the unpredictability. She looks so uneasy that part of me wants to comfort her. The other part…

“This one’s a control freak, Ashley. But we’re both loving all this good ole clean fun as we promote our new movie. Right, Chasey poo?”

Ashley nods enthusiastically. “Your movie premieres in a mere eight days. And your goal is to have a million new subscribers watchingFa La La Loveon Christmas Eve. Is that right?”

“First month free!” Chase chirps, sounding like a deranged parrot.

“Exactly,” I say, “and we’ve raised 150,000 subs so far. Everyone’s having a really good time with us. Let’s see what dare we’re doing today.” I hold the jar up to Chase. She reaches in like she’s grabbing a live grenade.

Her eyes go wide as she reads the slip. “Kiss an alligator? WHAT?!”

My face radiates with excitement. “This one’s such a big dare that we gotta hit one hundred thousand new subs today. That’s a lot, but we’re on the edge of history here, folks. I’m shaking in my boots, and Chase just pissed herself. Okay, not really. So get all your friends to sign up. You don’t want to miss this!”

Ashley’s face lights up like she hit the jackpot. “That is genuinely terrifying. And we are here for it. Stay tuned for more Chathan! Next up, Swamp Santa will be cruising the Everglades on his airboat, delivering special gifts to kids in need.”

The camera stops rolling and she dismisses us. “Great show, guys.” She joins her crew as they head off to capture B-roll of the alligators.

I brace myself, ready for the fallout. I’m not surprised to see Chase looking paler than freshly fallen snow.

“Don’t worry. My dad is an alligator trainer here. It’ll be fine. He’s kissed plenty of them.”

“Okay, A: That’s super weird. Do you hear yourself when you talk? And B: That in no way makes me feel better.”

I know it seems crazy to an outsider, but my dad’s never had an accident. I grew up learning to respect the danger while enjoying the excitement. The stunts, the showboating—it’s all for the tourists. It’s(almost)as safe as a magic act. I wish she could relax and enjoy it.

This sudden desire to pull her close is… unexpected.

“Come on. We’ve got some time to kill while we wait. I’ll show you around.”

“Time to kill? Is that a threat or a promise?”

“With all these alligators around? Could be both,” I quip.

A huge sign readingMerry Gatormasgreets you at the entrance of Swamp Life Haven. It’s part zoo, part theme park. Playful alligator statues wearing festive scarves and Santa hatslurk among the palms, their jaws in perpetual, toothy grins. Garlands of red and green tinsel drape the fences, intertwined with strands of twinkling lights reflecting off the murky waters. Every few feet, signs warn of gator crossings.

Don’t be fooled by the signs—they’re just for show. All reptiles are securely contained behind electrified chain link fencing.

“Welcome to gator haven,” I announce, spreading my arms wide. “Where the stockings are hung by the swamp with care, and Santa’s sleigh is pulled by reptiles with a hunger for reindeer.”

“Charming. Do the elves wear Crocs?”

“Was that a joke? From the woman sentenced to death by gator kiss?”

“When in Florida, do as the Floridians do.”

“Go ahead, act like you’re not wooed by their charm. Wait’ll you see Santa surfing on a wave of eggnog.”

There’s a glimmer of a grin on her lips. That near-smile does something strange to my heart.

“As a child, this place was basically our backyard.” I steer her past a group of excited children digging in a giant sandbox filled with “snow”(aka white sand). “Nolan and I caused so much trouble, I can’t believe they didn’t feed us to the gators.”

“That’s because it’s illegal to feed the alligators here. I saw a sign,” Chase deadpans. “And you were just a kid. But now, you’re an actor, and actors are considered nuisance animals by Florida state law.”

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