Page 15 of Fake It 'Til You Sleigh It

“Did you bring me here to bang me? All you had to do was ask,” I wink. “No need for elaborate schemes.”

Chase’s stare could cut the balls off a brass monkey. “In your dreams, Barrett.”

“Nah, in my dreams, you actually smile,” I quip. Then my tone turns deadly serious. “Cut the bullshit, Chase. What the hellis all this? You announced to the whole fucking world you’re my girlfriend, and my phone’s exploding with people wanting answers. Which includes me, damnit.”

She takes a deep breath. “The network is demanding we bring in one million new Cherish Channel subscribers before Christmas. But don’t worry, I’ve got a plan.”

“Hang on. What?” I sputter. “A million subscribers in less than two weeks? I’m popular, but I’m not freaking Santa Claus.”

“Which is why my brilliant fake relationship scheme is the answer. Just listen to my pitch. We’ll leverage your social media presence and your rabid fanbase to promote the network. Those subscriptions will be pouring in.”

“You saw how my fans reacted. It was like watching kids open socks on Christmas,” I say, leaning back with a smirk. “And remember Gail? Can you honestly picture Gail rooting for us to be together? Didn’t think so.”

“Oh, I don’t think anyone could forget Gail. Seriously, Ethan, I know you’d sleep with a toaster if it had boobs, but—”

“Whoa, timeout!” I interrupt, making a T with my hands. “I have not slept with Gail. There’s ‘crazy in bed,’ and then there’s ‘might actually murder me in my sleep.’”

“Sure. Whatever,” she says, unconvinced.

“I’m not lying. No way I’d hook up with that one.”

“Well then, that’s where your charm comes in. Work your fan magic. Make them love me.”

“That’s asking the impossible. No one likes you.”

“The crew likes me,” she insists

I put a hand on her tense shoulder. It’s like trying to comfort a marble statue. “Uh no, they don’t. They all call you ‘Ice Queen’ behind your back. Though, if we’re being honest, the B-word is the top pick.”

I wince, realizing I might have gone too far. I’m about to apologize when—

“Like it or not, we’re stuck together,” she says, her voice tight. “We need to convince a million new fans to subscribe to the Cherish Channel, and I’ve come up with an elaborate PR stunt.”

Chase spins her laptop around.BAM!My face. Everywhere.

There I am, grinning from dozens of photos, each with a different stunning woman on my arm. Actresses, models, even a couple of pop stars. It’s a veritable who’s who of Hollywood’s most eligible bachelorettes.

Click. Click. Click.

Website after website. All about me… well, my love life.

“This,” Chase says, pointing at the screen. “This is a story I can write. It’s got everything the fans will be rooting for.”

I stare at the images, feeling a strange mix of pride and discomfort. It’s the Ethan Barrett brand in all its glory—the Hollywood “It Boy,” the playboy with the heart of gold.

Chase continues, “You’re the guy every woman wants to tame. The eternal bachelor. It’s classic. Cary Grant. George Clooney. Now, Ethan Barrett.

Chase opens up my Ethan Addict’s fan page. Photos of me hitting the gym, grabbing coffee, posing with nothing but a Santa hat. Then, a stream of women—one gorgeous lady after the next.Okay, maybe my dating life has gotten a little out of hand.

Click. Click. Click.

“If everyone thinks we fell head over heels during filming, they’ll be like, ‘Oh my God, I gotta see this movie!’ It’s like we’re offering a two-for-one special on romance—buy the on-screen love story, get the behind-the-scenes one free. They’ll subscribe faster than you can blink, all to peek at our supposed off-camera chemistry. And voilà! A million subscribers for the Cherish Channel.”

I shake my head. Hard. “Won’t work because A) my fans all want to bang me and B) they know me… Well, they know mytype.” I look her up and down, taking in the power suit and severe ponytail. “And you’re—

“I get it. I’m not a bombshell.”

“I didn’t say that. You’re plenty…” I trail off, suddenly aware I’m navigating a minefield in flip-flops.

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