Page 301 of The Sinner: James

“What has changed?”

“It took me a while, but I got tired of living that way. I was angry, lonely, and sick of reliving that moment when my heart was crushed as a little boy. After I lost you, I no longer cared if it happened to me again, and I was willing to take that risk and have real feelings for someone again.”

We share a stare before he shifts his gaze away from me, and I look out the window again.

The car slows down as we enter a dirt road that cuts through a few clusters of trees. He pulls the car to a smooth halt not far from the lake and turns off the ignition.

Pale moonlight glows over us.

As soon as my eyes adjust, I see them in the dimness––swarms of fireflies floating in the air, looking like tiny, pulsing stars.

We climb out and lean against the hood of his car next to each other, our eyes trained on the tapestry of lights in front of us.

“You know they talk to each other with their lights,” he says. “That’s how they find mates. The females pick the males they want.”

His eyes meet mine for a moment.

“You wouldn’t strike me as a firefly expert,” I comment.

He laughs softly.

“That may be a fair assessment, but I sure know a lot about mating,” he says, flashing a faint grin. “Too bad it doesn’t help me much.”

We swing our eyes back to the lights.

“So, how’s life at the top?” I ask.

“Not bad.”

“I watched that documentary on TV.”

He gives me a questioning look.

“Living the Billionaire Life,” I say, smiling, amused.

He chuckles.

“The name is cheesy, but what can you expect?” he murmurs.

“Is that who you are?”

“I guess I am for most people, but you know who I am… Probably better than anyone else.”

“Your friends know you too.”

“They do, but only you know a particular side of me.”

“Were you jealous because of them?” I ask.

“Mm-hmm,” he murmurs sincerely.

“You didn’t show it.”

“That’s because I’m fucked up.”

“You didn’t care about me… That night on the island.”

“Yes, I did. But I knew you wanted it. It was curiosity, perhaps. I don’t know.”

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