Page 145 of The Sinner: James

Nothing has turned out the way we thought it would.

My quest for independence kicked me straight into a ditch and put me in a dungeon of despair.

Sure, I live independently, but this is hardly what I had in mind.

Within a few months, I lost everything that meant something to me. My home, my friends, and my family.

My privileged life. And that’s the hardest thing to admit.

My faith and innocence had been crushed too. And so was my heart.

I left a mess behind the day I pulled away from home, which they had to clean up.

A lot happened after that.

In the aftermath, they went whichever way they could, looking for an escape, and for a while, none of us wanted to talk to each other.

For the most part, we still don’t.

Despite being here in New York, Eve is no longer present in my life as she used to be.

But that’s life.

She went to college.

I didn’t.

She is busy with her classes and her boyfriend. In the meantime, I go to work and barely have time to read a book.

I can afford much else.

“It’s okay. I’m fine. Don’t worry about me,” I say.

“I wish you came home,” she says, hope woven in her voice. “It’s been snowing the past few days, and the town is sparkling with lights. It’s really pretty. And there are so many people in town. Everybody’s home for Christmas,” she says nostalgically and joyfully at the same time.

“I bet they are,” I murmur, walking to the window and glancing outside. “Here is so much different, though... The streets are finally quiet. Can you believe that? For one, it’s the weather, and then many people have taken some time off to travel,” I murmur, dragging my gaze over the dark buildings and the streets covered in snow.

Soft lights glow in the windows while wisps of fog dangle from the rooftops.

The flurries keep whirling, a few cars moving up the street.

I peel my gaze away.

“Okay then... I guess I’ll talk to you next week. Maybe we’ll get together when you come back. Say ‘Hi‘ to Andy for me.”

“I will. Take care, Rain. Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas to you, too.”

I place the phone on the table and slide into a chair before I swing my gaze back to the window, utterly broken.

2

RAIN

This ismy first Christmas away from my family and friends, from Eve, and everything I held dear in my old life.

I couldn’t tell Eve the truth.

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