Page 450 of The Sinner: James

“It was different.”

“How?”

“First off, I had no good memory of him. And then, I held him responsible for my mother's death.”

Silently, I study his face.

He continues.

“I’m not saying I wasn’t mad at him when I went to see him, but things were different than what I expected. Besides, that shit happened almost thirty years ago. That’s a lifetime, and a lot of things can change. People change and have regrets sometimes, and I’m sure Theresa has some regrets too.”

“We’ll see. She sounded pretty cold.”

“She must’ve been nervous.”

“Perhaps,” I say, peeling my gaze away from him. “Anyway, I don’t expect anything good to come out of it, but the woman wants to talk, so I’ll let her talk.”

“I don’t know what to say,” he says quietly. “Other than what I said to myself. Parents are not always the strong people their children need them to be.”

“I know all that.”

“Then, don’t fret about it. Sooner or later, you’ll be a parent too and see how it is.”

“Yeah... Scary thought, though,” I murmur, not looking at him.

He doesn’t say a thing.

“What makes her want a baby?” he asks after a few moments.

I whip my gaze at him.

Grinning.

“Is that even a question, Preston?”

Laughing, he throws his hands in the air.

“Don’t blame it on me, man. I had to ask. I had no plan to have a baby.”

Our eyes connect again.

“How did you feel about it when you found out?” I ask.

His eyes soften with a smile.

“At first, I couldn’t believe it. And then it quickly sank in, and it felt good.”

His smile fades as he stares blankly at his glass.

“It was the strangest feeling ever. I suddenly didn’t feel alone anymore.”

My grin dies out as he continues.

“I didn’t even realize how alone I’d felt before that moment. Thea took my mind away from it. She filled a lot of space in my head, and although I knew it to a degree––or at least I had prepared myself for the possibility that things might not work out between the two of us in the end––I still let myself get carried away by the idea of her. With Thea, I also built this wall between us, some sort of protection, I thought, in case everything would crumble in the end. At least, that’s how I felt until she said she didn’t want to have anything to do with me other than perhaps to be friends with me and all that crap. We knew it was crap, but she wanted to teach me a lesson. What I failed to recognize was something that revealed itself on that trip to Las Vegas. At the time, we still danced around it, holding ourselves back. But after we’d spent some time together, it finally dawned on me how much she needed me. And more so, how much I needed her. As she headed to Turkey and I came here, that feeling solidified and became a certitude. Here, I had everything I wanted, yet, my days were so much better when I heard her voice and saw her pictures. When she told me how her day went and what she saw that afternoon. I then realized I wanted to be with her, do things with her, and spend time with her. But truly, what made the whole thing come full circle for me was the news that she was expecting. When I heard that something she and I had made was on the way, I knew I no longer wanted to be alone. And as long as we kept this thing together–– the three of us––none of us would feel alone.”

He pauses, gathering his thoughts.

“That moment cemented my belief that we were meant to be together. Before that, we never talked about the future or having children or anything like that. But even if it was an accident, it would still feel like it was meant to be,” he says before bringing his drink to his lips and taking a sip.

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