Page 371 of The Sinner: James

I put the book down on my lap, open, face down.

“How were they?” I ask, attempting to drink lemonade, ready to hear her complaints.

“Boring.”

My eyebrows lift slowly as I swallow my drink.

I set the glass down.

“That’s it?”

“That’s everything to me. They excel at it.”

“I told you––”

“I know,” she cuts me off impatiently, flicking her hand up. “I know I read them well, but it’s not my fault.”

“You’re intimidating them.”

I observe her in silence.

“I’m not doing anything to them,” she says defensively.

“I know.”

I ponder.

“I’m sure you’ll find someone someday,” I say.

She pushes her sunglasses back in place and looks away for a moment.

“Finding someone is no longer enough for me,” she says.

“No?”

She tilts her eyes in my direction.

“Do you remember the year we graduated? We spotted the ‘Kings’ for the first time, and I was mad at Lionel because he left me without a word and spent the summer in Italy, and then he married one of our classmates, Lindsay Kershaw. Do you remember her?”

The image of a girl with brown hair and freckles on her cheeks flashes in front of my eyes.

“She was a quiet girl.”

“Yeah. She met him on that trip, and they spent time together before moving to Florida, enrolling in college, and getting married a few years later.”

“What about him?” I murmur.

She gestures, annoyed.

“I was so miserable that summer because of him. And even later, I had this thought in my head while recollecting what he’d done to me. I was obsessed with ‘what if.’ I couldn't understand why he had abandoned me and made me feel like nothing. And then I realized not hooking up with him was the best thing that could’ve happened to me. It was a blessing in disguise. I never wanted someone like him, yet all I did was try to be with people like him, over and over again, until I finally figured out what you already knew.”

“What was that?”

“You have to find someone special and not waste your time with random people.”

A soft smile curls my lips.

“Everyone wants that. It’s just that we have different definitions of what special means.”

---