Page 326 of The Sinner: James

He shakes his head slowly.

“No. It was fun… If you want me to be truthful.”

“Yes, I do want you to be truthful. You said they are gone.”

“Yes, they are,” he says in a serious voice.

I pause.

“You know... We both have a wild side,” I say.

A mysterious smile floods his eyes.

“Yes, I know. I always liked that side of you.”

“I feel the same about you, and the thing is… I don’t want you to change for me. I don’t want to change you and make you something that you’re not. I like you the way you are…” I murmur.

“But?”

“The moment you give me pain or lie to me, I’m gone.”

A shadow darkens his eyes.

“I’m not that girl anymore. I know life, and I know how bad it can get and how much it can hurt. And no matter how strong my feelings are, it won’t happen that way. Do you understand?”

He brings his hand to my face and splays his fingers over my cheek. I tilt my head against his touch.

A warm smile reaches his eyes.

“I didn’t expect to hear anything else from you. I won’t let you down... Not this time,” he says, drinking me in.

His thumb sweeps my cheekbone and then my jawline.

I see the wonder in his eyes, his veneration for me I so much missed. It reminds me of our past.

“You know... All the time I’ve spent on my own, I had to toughen up, and sometimes I had to be someone other than I was. That’s how I realized how much I wanted to be the girl you fell in love with, even if only for a moment. Maybe, I still am, but...”

I pause as my voice trembles with emotion.

“But...?”

“It’s been a long time since anyone wanted her or needed her. Not many people liked her in the past. She’s done a lot of things she shouldn’t have, and besides you, nobody gave a damn about her.”

My lips tilt into a bitter smile.

“All this time, I had to hide that part of me and chase that girl away. I quickly learned that none of the men who hired me wanted to pay for her. Most men don’t want to feel your heart, not when they’re in bed with you anyway. Nobody needs that.”

I look down and bite my lip, trying so hard to stop myself from tearing up.

“Rain?”

He calls my name so softly.

I shake my head in response, unable to raise my eyes.

Cupping the back of my hair, he snakes his arm around me and pulls me into his chest, all the power draining out of me as my walls begin to crumble.

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