Page 288 of The Sinner: James

“She was. It was her birthday. Did you know that?”

“No. So she was going out?” I ask, my voice strained.

“Yes, she was having dinner with Eve Malone. That’s all. I don’t know who took those pictures. Whoever did it wanted to hurt Rain. Or perhaps you. Nothing happened, James. All we did was talk about you.”

I flick my hand up.

“I don’t want to hear this ‘talk about me’ shit again,” I say, patting my pants for my pack of cigarettes.

“Why’s that, James?”

I fish a cigarette from my pocket, slip it between my lips, and light it. A long drag fills my lungs before I push the smoke out forcefully.

His eyes don’t leave me.

“This story is getting old. And honestly, I no longer care what you and she have to talk about me at this point.”

“And yet, you put your ass in your car and rush to my house to bust my balls.”

“This is different. It has to do with you. I don’t want you to fuck her behind my back. That’s fucking all. I don’t want lies.”

“I’m not fucking her,” he says, exasperated. “I never did anything behind your back. I’ll be the first to admit I have feelings for her. I care for her, and you know that, but I can’t be with her. You know it, and she knows it too. No matter how much regret she and I share, it can’t happen for us. But you, on the other hand...” he says bitterly, looking at me––I can’t remember when was the last time I saw him so hurt and disappointed.

He slowly shakes his head.

“At least I went there and talked to her,” he continues. “Which is much more than you did,” he adds in an accusatory voice.

“What do you think I could’ve done and didn’t do?” I throw at him.

He takes a step in my direction, his hands tucked in his pockets.

“There’s something you could’ve done a long time ago, but you’ve never even considered it. You’re such a stubborn dick sometimes. And you know what pisses me off? Between the three of us, you were the only one who had a real shot at her.”

“I told you I’m not going through this shit again,” I push through locked teeth.

He pins his gaze on me, searching my eyes for a moment.

Holding his gaze, I blow the smoke out.

“Has it ever crossed your mind why she didn’t want your money?”

“Besides wanting to be ‘independent’?” I sneer.

He clenches his jaw.

“Does it fucking matter?” I ask, boiling with anger. “I know it was more than my money she had a problem with. So fucking what?”

“Yeah... Well, it fucking matters because it’s the key to your fucking riddle.”

I blow more smoke to the side, my eyes trained on him.

“Enlighten me.”

“There’s one thing you’ve never done. You didn't even take a stab at it. You’ve never tried to earn her trust. Her instinct told her she couldn’t trust you, and that’s exactly what she did. You gave her every reason not to trust you. And she didn’t need much experience to figure that one out. I can’t blame her. Can you? You crushed the little faith she had in you. You’ve made it so easy for her to distrust you. And you’ve never tried to patch things up. Make her believe in you again. You’ve never made her feel loved and safe. It doesn’t matter what you say to her or how good you fuck her if you can’t show her how much she means to you. Perhaps now, after what happened between all of us, you need to do this more than ever. If you do it and do it well, you may earn her trust. And then, she’ll accept your money and allow you back in her life.”

I ponder for a moment before I breathe out a cold chuckle.

“And how am I supposed to do that? I can’t even get close to her.”

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